Anxiety attacks when emotionally intimate

[H_McCabe]

Hello,

I'm a 24 year old female and for the last month whenever my boyfriend is affectionate or expresses happiness about our relationship I find myself having panic attacks. The panic attacks involve shortness of breathe and nausea. We've been together for a year without any issues, if anything he's been more attentive and affectionate than usual. I am very much in love with him don't want the relationship to end but the anxiety has become overwhelming to the point I feel like I can't function properly.

I think the panic attacks are due to the fact my last relationship ended very poorly. When I broke up with my previous boyfriend he threatened to kill himself multiple times and constantly text and call telling me I've ruined his life. Since then whenever someone shows me affection romantically I find myself panicking at the thought that I could hurt someone like that again. I don't want to lose him but the idea that I'm particularly responsible for another persons happiness terrifies me. 

I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this before and what they did to cope and allow themselves to be able accept intimacy from others? Also I'm generally an anxious person anyway and often get social anxiety.

thanks 

[geoff]

dear H McCabe, hello and welcome to this site, sometimes when people post their comments are pushed onto the next page before you know it.

Firstly I would block this ex boyfriend from your mobile, and I have just done it to an advertising company, before I registered again for 'no call', so it's quite easy to do.

There is a way to overcome this feeling and that's to have a few sessions with a psychologist who will perform cognitive therapy with you, and this can be done by visiting your doctor and he/she will be able to put you on a medicare plan, where you are entitled to 10 free visits to a psychologist. L Geoff. x

[intentional_joy]

I am trying to find the right words. My wish for you is to be able to enjoy affection and all the wonderful things it can bring to your life. My mother was very abusive in my life and threatened suicide constantly and I felt responsible for her and her actions. I have compassion and empathy for how you are feeling. The reality I was not responsible for my mothers happiness or her choices, she is. The only persons happiness , behaviour and choices Im responsible for is my own and lol that is certainly a big enough job without taking on responsability for others. You are not responsible for anyone elses happiness. I know he may feel a lot of pain because yours and his relationship ended and I have so much compassion and hope he gets help coping. However he is responsible for his actions his behaviours and what he chooses to do with how he feels. I am glad you care about others . There is healthy healing care and enabling dysfunctional caring. Carrying the reponsability for his threats and feelings is unhealthy and I would encourage you to seek a counsellor to help you understand what is happening and help you be able to claim your right to enjoy affection.

Hugs to you