self medicating to eleviate my anxiety.....

[cody75]

Hiya everyone!

Gee this is a real first for me.....being brutally honest to people whom I don't know but I think that fact in itself kinda makes it easier to talk.  I spent a couple of hours last night reading through the posts on here and I was blown away as to how each story I read made sense to me and I realised I'm not alone in the feelings/symptoms I have.

At the moment I'm using a range of different drugs to mask the awful anxiety I have every day and night.  The problem of course occurring when the drugs run out and I am left to cope with the fallout.  I hate this pattern my life has formed, and I'm over beating myself up for inevitably going back to using when I have money again :  (.  

I feel like I'm stuck on this stupid ferris wheel that won't stop going around.  My self esteem feels so battered, probably due to a few different happenings in my life.  I have gone done the counselling avenue a few times but never had real success, probably because I've only ever had male counsellors and I haven't been able to click with them.

I've always had an addiction issue....if it's not booze it's speed....if it's not speed it's heroin.  The only drug I haven't been addicted to is pot!  Keeping in mind I have 2 beautiful young sons to keep up with, they are a big factor in my feeling guilty about my drug abuse.  I just can't keep this up anymore but am scared to be totally straight and dealing with my anxiety.  

I will sign off cos to be honest I actually feel emotionally drained just from typing this post.  I don't speak to anyone really about my anxiety, I just assume it's my problem and no one would understand.  But reading stories on here has given me an inkling of hope in facing my problems without having to be "out" of it as such.  You guys are amazing in your honesty, it felt good to feel I was among people who had similar stuff going on.

Anyone have a magic wand? Lol..........Is there anyone out there self-medicating like myself?  Would love to hear from you : )

[Guest_3712]

Hi Cody,

you are not alone with your addiction issues.

Since a work accident ruined my life ten years ago I have been addicted to many different prescription meds, pain meds, anxiety and depression meds are all part of my repertoire.

I can't function without them and will often take more if feeling really down.

I have been to detox twice for the more serious meds, and now mainly rely on the anxiety and depression meds. 

I also suffer from low self esteem which is made worse by the weight gain that these drugs bring. yes it is a never ending ride that wont stop. I don't know who I am any more, or who I would be without the drugs

You will find support here and maybe like me you will find a good psychologist or councillor that you will click with.

Take care and

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Rain_Girl]

Hey hun

I'm 20 with my own self esteem and anxiety issues and on top of that heaving mess, i just lost my father in November. 
I'm replying because I've actually recently come across the feeling of wanting to self medicate... not drugs though, 

It's more a desperate want for everything to just be okay and for me to forget. I've thought about anti-depressants and getting drunk but in all honesty I know that I just need to persist with a psychologist and work out my issues before I begin to mask them. 

That feeling honestly scared me, but I totally know where you're coming from in sometimes you just need your head to switch off but it wont. 

The thing I'd like to point out and I'm not sure if its the same as coming down from a high on drugs, but alcohol is a depressant and even when i just drink a little, I can guarantee that I'll have an anxiety attack the next day...

So I know the result could be bad, and I don't think I'd do it, but I just wanted to share that you aren't alone in that feeling, but fixing the problems is the place to start before covering them even if you have to go through the nasty feelings before anything starts to look up xx