Anxiety around Driving Test

[M_W]

Hi. I'm someone who struggles with anxiety relating to a select few triggers with my driving test yesterday being a huge one. I've come here seeking help from anyone who might relate to how I feel. In the past I've noticed that situations where I'm being watched, judged or tested have triggered a lot of panic and anxiety for me and once the feelings start, it's like an emotional spiral that I have no control over and that gets worse every second. School exams and tests used to give me similar feelings and even panic attacks which I never really found any methods to cope with them properly. Yesterday was another example of where my stress got out of control. I did my first ever drive test and quite literally failed in the first two minutes of driving. I merged in front of a car in the other lane (despite doing mirror and head check) in a way that I never would have otherwise. It's almost like my head completely forgot to compute what I was seeing in my mirrors and I didn't even process what I had done until I was honked by the other driver. I have no idea how I managed to do this. I completely accept that I failed for a very valid reason and that safety must be the number one priority of a testing officer in a test. Still, I'm finding this incredibly hard to come to terms with because usually, I'm safe and sensible driver and even my driving instructor (who I've done a good few lessons with) agrees. I drove absolutely fine and had that same skill down pat in the hour immediately before the test, so this outcome is still a real shock. Going into yesterday I knew that my anxiety was possibly going to a problem, but I don't think I ever predicted that it could lead to me making such a painfully simple mistake and so early on too. This honestly doesn't feel real. Sometimes, if I just have feelings of stress and anxiety, I'm able to get myself back under control but when more physical symptoms start (as they did yesterday) like body shakes, pounding heart and quick or hitched breath, there's been no way of me getting back to the state of mind that I need to be in from my past experience. My driving instructor and test officer rebooked me for the closest test appointment in two weeks' time, but I feel like I've had all of my confidence shattered. Getting my license is such a crucial step toward me gaining independence over my life and to be honest, I actually really need to get it if I'm going to open the doors to more job opportunities. A few days ago, I would've said that I was confident in my skills but now, as the perfectionist I am, failure has me entering a rut where this whole thing feels impossible. I realize that there's no limits to how many times you try for your license, but the threat of failing a second time seems unbearable. The point of my post really was to ask if anyone who might struggle from my same problems could give me some advice. I really don't have any strategies that I know I can rely on to handle my feelings. How did you overcome tension and stress of a situation like this and manage to perform? I've tried breathing strategies and I've tried to have more helpful thoughts like that trying to remember that this is low stakes and to look after my current actions rather than a future outcome. I can't seem to get my body and thoughts to align when I try thinking strategies like these. Getting to the level of anxiety I had yesterday, I stopped even really having a negative thought pattern and rather just turned to having physical symptoms of stress (that I described above). There almost doesn't seem to be a way of correcting these negative thoughts because I'm frozen in a relentless panic state. Thank you to anyone who can read all of these words and respond. I truly appreciate any help! 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear M-W,

I had very similar anxiety to you and I remember having huge amounts of it take over in situations where I was being watched or assessed as well. It didn't matter how competent I was at the task, I would get the same reactions that you describe. I know very well what you mean about the physiological symptoms taking over even when you are rationally aware that you are not in a situation that is actually really threatening.

I can explain the first thing that started to help me, in case it helps. By this stage I was at university and I continued to suffer horrendously if I had to do something like a presentation in front of a tutorial group. I would be terrified, really get the shakes, have trouble to speak and difficulty thinking. Around this time I decided to go to a free meditation session at a local Buddhist centre. They do a very simple form of meditation where you just sit with the breath. A monk or nun would give some gentle guidance, but it was basically learning to observe thoughts without attaching to them and being aware of what the body is doing without judgement, letting go of any tensions that arise. I would notice by the end that my body had shifted and was a lot more peaceful than it had been at the beginning. I used to get quite a bit of pain build up in the meditation too, but then it would release and subside. So slowly my body began to understand a different way of being.

I found out I would soon be having to do another presentation at university. As usual this triggered anxiety. However, as I had been practising the meditation I realised I could apply the principles to the presentation. So when I gave it, I focussed on the present moment and listened in to my body with non-judgemental awareness. Where I felt it starting to spiral I was able to kind of release the anxiety pattern and realise I was safe. By focussing on the present moment I was also remembering what I wanted to do, which was communicate ideas to the audience of people in front of me. I was interested in what I was talking about, so I thought about that and wanting to share with the audience. This desire to connect and communicate ideas began to take over from my fear responses.

What this process involved was gradually teaching my autonomic nervous system and primal brain that it was in fact in a safe situation. This switched on my social engagement system that wanted to connect with people, as opposed to the stress response which perceives danger. I found that the ongoing practice of the meditation gradually alleviated the intensity of my anxiety responses and my body and mind learned a new way of being.

I am thinking with your driving that if your body and mind can know that you are safe in a truly embodied sense, it will become easier. I found that sitting with the body in meditation is what helped me to be more aware of my bodily responses and to let go of building tensions and worries (tensions in the body and mind). If you can embody the confidence and the competence you know you actually have with driving, you can definitely be more at ease in your driving test.

I have found I have to start with the body with these things because, like you say, it's when the body takes over that we can be overcome by the anxiety and it gets the better of us. But it is really possible to begin to embody a more present and calm way of being. It's also important to be really kind and patient with yourself in that process. It's ok to slip up and to have anxieties, so never judge yourself for that. There is wisdom in imperfection and it's always ok to fail. It's the only way we learn and eventually we get there. There is a quote from Samuel Beckett:

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Fail again. Fail better".

You will get there 🤗

[therising]

Hi M_W

My heart goes out to you so much. Feeling your own nervous system in full hyperactivity mode is a horrible feeling and it can become so debilitating.

While you didn't succeed in passing the driving test, you could always consider 'What I did succeed at involves reaching a point where I now recognise it's time to develop more skills or life hacks when it comes to managing how I feel certain experiences'. Personally, I've found that when I'm finally forced to address certain issues, it's then that I enter into a personal development stage where it's time to evolve or graduate through next level skills or strategies. When it comes to how this or that should work for us in theory, it's not until we try putting theory into practice that we figure out what actually works and what doesn't. Keep mind everyone's different and what what might work for close to a million people may simply not work for us because we're incredibly unique in certain ways. In other words, we're one in a million😊.

If you imagine every driver has an inner driving instructor, maybe it might help to tap into your inner driving instructor. As a mum who's teaching her son how to drive, my advice to him when he first started driving was 'Say out loud everything you're observing and every move you're going to make'. As a bit of a nervous instructor, this was more so to reassure me that he was paying attention to what I hoped he was. I gave him an example of observing and acting out loud. Suddenly, I became fully conscious of everything that would normally be running through my subconscious while driving. The talk was constant: 'Check speedometer, amber light about to turn red, check rear vision mirror while starting to slow down, check other cars, check rear vision mirror again, light's turned red, continue to slow' and on and on it went. The inner chatter while driving is constant. Experienced drivers just aren't necessarily conscious of it. When I became fully conscious of it, I decided to call it my 'Inner driving instructor'. If you imagine the second you sit in the driver's seat that your inner instructor comes to life, he or she will direct you in everything you need to do: 'Adjust the seat, check the mirrors' etc etc. If you want to take your imagination to next level, you might consider your inner driving instructor is a Buddhist monk or nun (wave to Eagle Ray): 'Turn the key. Now, breathe and ground yourself. You can do this. Just listen to my instructions'. Btw, this kind of exercise can help in becoming an intuitive driver. When something says to you 'Don't trust that driver in front of you' or 'Be careful of that pedestrian who's not looking' it pays to listen.

M_W, I will try employing my own advice this coming Tuesday when I hand in my resignation at work. While I have all this chatter running through my head (as to why I shouldn't or can't resign) which is sending my nervous system into hyper drive, I also have my mum's calming and wise voice in my head, 'Do you feel the need to get on with your life or not?'. Hell yes! The next bit of internal dialogue is either coming from her or Nike, 'Just do it'. 😅

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear M_W,

A warm welcome to the forums…

I can relate to what you’re saying about people watching/judging us when it comes to test time….Im 70 now and I can still remember how I failed my driving test a few times due to anxiety…at that time it was a big deal for me to get my license, not so much for jobs but for an escape, to get away from family dv and find some peace….I put all my effort into passing my driving test, that it took my minds away the rules and safe driving…..my mind was to busy elsewhere to concentrate on the task in hand and the here and now (present time)…

Maybe dear M_W, try hard and I know that’s hard to do…to just relax, not think about the reason why you need your licence but instead on what’s happening around the car your being tested in…even after I got my license anyone sitting next to me caused me huge anxiety, thinking they were judging me…after a couple of years I didn’t renew my licence because of that….

Then I got married and thought I didn’t need a licence anymore….then came a child, my husband insisted that I got my licence to not be dependant on him….after much arguments I went for it again and again I kept failing due to my anxiety…I knew how to drive safely, I knew the road rules but anxiety stopped me from passing…..I ended up asking for the same person to test me….after I got to know them a bit and got comfortable with them…I finally passed….

It doesn’t matter Dear M_W how many times you attempt your driving test, persistent does pay off in the end…ask if you can have the same person each time for your driving test, maybe that will help with your anxiety…

Please don’t be too hard on yourself, you will pass your driving test and you will get you’re independence…I do believe in you…

My kindest thoughts Dear M_W…

Grandy..