Anxiety anxiety so much anxiety

[joey]

I guess I have always been an 'anxious person' although I didn't realise this for a long time. Anyway sometimes I think where's the line between just being and anxious person and an anxiety disorder. I have never formally been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (perhaps because I had so many other things going on there was no need for another diagnosis!). It's been acknowledged that I have OCD traits but again I don't know that I have specifically been diagnosed with OCD - though probably could of been. Anyway I have now recovered from BPD and depression but am still very anxious. It's kind of a problem - I have some idea on how to manage it. But last night was so bad that this morning I wondered if I need medication!!

Basically on a day to day basis I have to go back and check the door every time I leave. I have to check I unplugged the appliances. I feel like my house will be burnt down by an appliance left charging or broken into because the door is unlocked. I know I am meant to not go back and not check but this is too hard so I just go back - every time. So that's day to day. And I guess I figure at the end of the day it doesn't matter if I have to leave 5 minutes early to allow time to go back and check the door.

But last night I was awake all night because I was worried I was going to miss a flight in 2 months time!! SO in the middle of the night was googling fare rules and insurance to work out what to do when I miss this flight. And it was like I was there at he airport and so distressed having missed the whole holiday! I woke up feeling so disorientated and terrible.

I still feel exhausted and am realising that it might be a problem. I want to take out insurance on my insurance. Then I was worried that I had to have an operation and my heath insurance didn't cover it and wanted to get the item numbers to check but given I don't need an operation this is impossible. Hmm yes I guess it is a bit of an issue isn't it!

So I try to exercise when I can (sometimes limited by injury and tiredness), I tried to focus on my breathing. But I guess I realised I need to do more! More exercise. More mindfulness. I need to stop ignoring it.

[Corey]

i have suffered from anxiety for 6yrs now and its hard when you do get yourself in a bit of a routine like that its so stressful that its just easy to go back and check something rather then having it on your mind all day and im in the same boat i check doors and tap things and even tho i know the doors locked and play it in my head that yes i stepped outside and pulled the door behind me my brain automatically goes maybe the lock flung back and its wide open now or maybe this happened or maybe this happened and it just keeps going over and over and im in the middle of overcoming my bad routines and thort patterns and its hard to just walk away but you have to break the cycle because it becomes a automatic response for your brain to do the bad routines and it thinks its a normal routine when you know its not so when you are getting ready to go out you dont wont to be thinking okay i have to leave eary so i can check the door or whatever it may be and i know its damn hard! you want to be thinking where your going or what you have to do and focus on something else and walk out the door and be like okay its locked thats it and continue on with what you have to do next, unlock the car get in, ooo thats a good song on the radio and this shirt feels good against my skin and just break things down and refocus your mind thats what works for me anyway not all the time sometimes you may run back and check the door again but its okay you just have to keep at it, i got a saying i say and its like if you walk threw a cornfield once no one would notice anyone has been threw there but if you keep walking threw that cornfield and do it everyday on the same path after a while you will be able to tell someone is walking threw there and its the same with your brain for it to do what you want it to do it needs a pathway for the action, its easy to make a path when you dont want it to like the bad routines so you need to take a different path and let that part of the cornfield regrow and before you know it you will be coming home thinking to yourself wow i didnt even check the door thismorning and its a good feeling. but if you are really worried there is help out there doctors, psychologists ect. no one knows you better then yourself so just do right for you and goodluck i hope it helped

[geoff]

dear Joey and Corey, after I have done it for 54 years I have grown to become used to it, however this doesn't answer the query from either of you.

Firstly could you please tell me if you know whether this illness has been handed done from previous generations but this maybe difficult to determine, because back then it wasn't really diagnosed, as my Dad was a GP and he didn't pick it up, or there could have been a chance that he knew but didn't want to talk about it with me, but I don't believe so.

There is a difference between being born with it to learning how to do it, because of some devastating incidence, which is then associated with depression.

That's a big topic but depending on your answers it should be talked about, because we know the severity of this illness.

I take a SSRI for OCD as well as depression, and maybe this could be why my anxiety level has improved, however it hasn't completely stopped me from doing OCD but those anxious comments you both have made I was exactly the same 100 %, but now it has lowered those thoughts.

I enjoy talking about OCD because I don't have anyone except my psychologist and on this site to talk about it. Geoff.

[joey]

Hi Geoff,

I think I was born with OCD. Relatives never diagnosed but certainly some people have obvious 'traits'. I can see signs of it from a very young age (primary school). So I guess for me I was probably born with it. Not sure If this makes it better or worse or harder or easier to treat! I guess it's the whole nature / nurture debate and I think it's really a bit of both. I mean if you are raised by a mother with OCD traits is it genetics or do you learn to behave in a similar to organise and manage your own life. That being said my siblings seem fine.

I used to be on an SSRI (but for depression) - not sure if I noticed a difference in the OCD or not. I do remember on drug (and SSRI or SNRI can't remember) made it worse. Anyway I am open to it but at the same time and enjoying not being on medications so will see how things go. Just don't remember them ever making a big impact on the anxiety.

Corey - I agree what you are doing - thinking about your shirt etc and being mindful is good. I think also I need to be very mindful about locking the door in the first place then I don't have to go back. But again its a fine line. Mindful yes. But don't let that turn into a ritual (e.g. checkint the handle 3 and exactly 3 times etc). I know the two are very different but for me its a fine line. Mindfulness is the key to many things.

Anyway will keep at it. Last night was a bit better - I actually got some sleep which helps!

Joey.