Anxiety and Sadness when family leave me at home for holiday

[TMaree7]

Hi everyone,

Never used this before but thought it might help give me some advice!

I am 21 and for over 5 years I have suffered with anxiety. It comes on when I go away from my family or when they leave me at home for a holiday for an extended period of time. My younger sister has also just moved back to America for college and it has been hard. I eventually get used to her being away and it eventually doesn't become an issue.

In the few days before they leave and a few days after they leave, I get anxious and cry a lot. Usually at night when I think about it. I do meditation and it doesn't always work and I do breathing exercises but they don't completely help. The night they leave is always the worst. I get very little sleep and wake up in panics and cry a lot. I have an urge to get out of bed and wake my mum up each time (I resist waking her up most of the time). Once they are gone I can just start crying randomly when in the quite house and I really try and be positive and enjoy the time alone but I get too anxious and don't enjoy it.

I am not afraid of anything happening to them or me, I think I have placed the anxiety around the fear of missing out and being alone in the house that usually has my mum in it every day. I have been distracting myself by going to stay at a close family friend house a few nights here and there and making a calendar and trying to fill it with as many activities as possible.

I suppose I am just after someone who goes through the same thing or has any solutions to calming the anxiety at peak time (during the night) and how to reduce crying. I am someone who always speaks my mind and I tell my mum everything that I feel. My father suffered from a similar thing as a child and I was also wondering if that is why I do?

Thanks in advance 🙂

[YellowPoppy]

Hi,

It's not exactly the same thing, but at the moment I don't want to be at home without my mum. She has work on Sunday and I think I'll end up going with her. If I don't, I'll be upset and crying and panicking for most of the day. I don't really have any advice but I have some kind of understanding for what you're going through.

Hope this helped

[Alexlisa]

Hello TMaree7.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like a pretty tough time, so I’m glad you reached out here. I know it can be hard sometimes.

Missing someone is such a painful feeling and when it creates big change it can be really destabilising. It can be overwhelming to feel alone and if you’ve always lived with your parents it’s a big change, even if you know it’ll only be for a short time.

I was wondering if your parents know how you feel and how strongly it affects you? Maybe you could work together to come up with some ideas that might make the time easier for you. The idea of creating a timetable with activities and staying with other people some nights is great. I wonder what else you could come up with... Maybe you can all get creative ☺️

Is it possible to do video calls every day, maybe a couple of times a day and at night, so you don’t feel so disconnected? Something I’ve been told before is you can get an item of clothing like a big soft jumper that smells like your Mum and wear it or cuddle it to feel safe. Maybe you could have a friend stay with you some nights? Could your mum leave you little notes around the house that you’ll find?

Something that always comforts me when I’m away from family is knowing that they can be back home in a certain number of hours. Even if they’re all the way on the other side of the world they can be back with me in only 24 hours. And I can get through 24 hours. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes we can feel like our families are so far away when they’re on holidays, but really it’s just hours.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re young and spending time living apart from family is a BIG adjustment. It’s totally ok to cry, so don’t worry about that, but we do want you to feel less distressed. It’s great that you’re practicing meditation and breathing. Well done. Maybe you could find a couple of other things that will calm you. If you look up ‘self-soothing ideas’ or ‘self-care ideas’ there will be plenty of suggestions that you could try out, to find something that will help.

Don’t forget too that if things get tough you can always call Beyond Blue for support 24 hours a day on 1300 22 4636 or there is online chat as well. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to to get us through a difficult night.

Take care,

Alexlisa

[CaitlinM]

I go through the exact same thing! Only difference is my anxiety isn't about missing out, it's mainly about how they're not there, how I miss them and how I'm terrified something bad will happen to them and I'll never see them again. I can't stay away from home and the pets or my sister because I get very severe anxiety away from home. I don't know what to do. My parents are going on a cruise for a week in January. I'm turning 20 tomorrow (December 19th) but because I'm autistic, my abilities and my age don't match up if that makes sense. I'm trying to get a carer for a week in January because usually with anxiety what happens for me is the night before I get such bad anxiety I can't sleep and I make myself sick (I recently found that out last time) from crying so much, I also physically can't eat because I physically can't swallow due to how severe my anxiety is. 

[sbella02]

CaitlinM,

Thank you for sharing your story with us, welcome to the forums. Happy birthday for tomorrow, too. May your twenties be filled with love, happiness, and light. 

Your anxiety makes sense in this situation. Being without people who mean a lot to you can be difficult. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling. Crying can often be a good means of expressing these emotions, unless of course it's making you feel sick. 

I have several ways of calming my anxiety when I'm feeling in need of some support. Journalling is one of these ways, as it can be so relieving to express in a written format exactly what I'm feeling and going through. I also like to keep stress balls nearby, as squeezing them if I'm feeling overwhelmed can be quite therapeutic.

Reaching out is an amazing start, and I'm glad to hear that you've taken steps to find a carer for that period in January. It sounds like having somebody there to comfort and support you could be really beneficial for you. Do you have anybody else you'd feel comfortable confiding in or having around to support you during this time? 

Have you had a chat to your family about your concerns? They may be able to offer some reassurance or guidance for you. Even if you'd feel comfortable having a chat to a GP, counsellor, or psychologist about your concerns, they may be able to give you some professional advice on anxiety management. 

In the meantime, are there any pursuits or activities you enjoy that you could use to pass the time or distract yourself? Losing yourself in something you love doing can also be a good way of processing difficult emotions, particularly with something like painting or drawing. These creative activities can be quite meditative.

Wishing you the best in this situation, and please feel free to chat with us some more if you feel like it. We'd love to hear from you again.

Take care, SB