Anxiety and "compulsive" talking to self

[Nyiknyik]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a while, but over the last 12 months, I’ve developed a habit of talking loudly to myself to chase away negative intrusive thoughts. And when I say loudly, I mean really loudly (to drown out the noise of the thoughts, I think).... it's embarrassing.

I get negative intrusive thoughts every day, and when the thoughts come, I get an overwhelming and almost uncontrollable urge to say something out loud or make noises to try and chase away or dull the thought in my head. This happens at anytime, like when I at home alone and sometimes mid-conversation with someone. I am usually aware of it happening, but sometimes I am not, and I don’t realise I’m making noises or speaking loudly to myself; my partner and mum have pointed it out to me when they’ve witnessed it. Because of these times of random unawareness that happens (pointed out to me by mum and partner), I’ve become even more worried about having outbursts in public, like on public transport or, God forbid, at work. I don’t want to embarrass myself by randomly shouting at my intrusive thoughts, so the pressure to “keep quiet” (and anxiety) consumes me most days at work, and is affecting my performance really badly.

This outburst habit and the associated anxiety has been getting increasingly worse, and I’m finding it harder and harder to cope with being anxious all the time. I work an extremely physical job as well, the physical exhaustion coupled with mental exhaustion is hellish and taking me into a dark place.

Has anyone experienced anything like this before? If so, did it go away? How did you get on top of it? Does anyone have any tips? I’d appreciate any help at this stage.

Thank you, and I hope my post makes sense.

[Croix]

Dear Nyiknyik~

Welcome here to the Forum. I think you will find you are not the only person to have this sort of behavior.

I have an anxiety condition plus a couple of other things , and will groan over past events or mutter to myself what I am going to say or should have said or to berate myself..

It is quite noticeable but an awful lot better and less frequent by far to what it was.

I believe the reason for my improvement was not self-will or being prompted by others but by having my anxiety conditon competently treated, in my case by a psyicatrist, though I'm sure that is not the only way.

May I ask if you are receiving medical support at the moment. I hope so, you may be like I was or may have a different matter entirely to deal with , however if you have doctors maybe you need to them it is not working properly as well as asking as for a review of your treatment.

Of course if you are doing as I did for far too long and soldiering on by yourself, now would be an excellent time to see you GP in an extended consultation and see that happens from there. Simply say what you life is like, your thoughts, preoccupations and utterances.

I never improved at all without help which is why I've been suggesting you do the same. The quicker you gain some sort of control the less you will have to worry about work and being in public.

Please let me know what you think

Crpoix

[Wilson1]

I also do this a fair bit, especially alone, but it does come out a lot at work, because that is where my anxiety comes from. It’s a little embarrassing when it’s 2 guys in a truck and nothing is being said and all of a sudden I make a loud groaning noise and then have to make up an excuse for it.
I work for a large government corporation and the lack of support is unreal, management try to pat themselves on the back constantly about how well they treat people but this bullying and intimadation won’t stop. Ive been working with them 20 years and this has only started happening on the last 2/3 years. I ready to leave and find a new career, but after 20 years it feels impossible.
ive sort help with my local GP, he’s a younger male in his mid 30’s like me and talking to someone like that can really help. ive also used the in house EAP service a few times, that’s good too

keeping focused on the ones I love and things I love helps me though most days knowing there is so much more out there than 8 hours of work we all have to put ourselves through.