Anxiety and hopelessness

Tinas · ‎27-08-2019

Hi. First time on this site for me. I have been living with anxiety most of my life. I’m 47 now. I have problems going out without my companion coming with me. It’s been like this for the last 7 years.

I have an ok life but lately I have been feeling very anxious and lonely especially at night. My mind doesn’t want to relax and it just goes around. It seems this time is all about my past and what I have had and lost and it all makes me feel so sad. I can feel this wave of sadness actually run through my body when I think about certain things. Like the dogs I have had or my mum who has passed. I know they are gone and there is nothing that can be done about that but my silly mind plays tricks and it’s like I’m loosing them all over again the pain is that bad.

I want to go to a psychologist but I can’t seem to get there I always cancel the appointment because I’m just so tired and make excuses not to go out and drive myself there. I have seen many in my life before but it’s like everything I want to do, when the time comes to go I make an excuse not to go not to drive and don’t want to go alone.

I have stopped doing so much now it seems nothing will make me happy I have lost interest in everything that use to make me happy and I give into myself and just curl up on the couch and sleep. I should have such a happy life. I have what I need to make a happy life but I’m just so anxious about everything all the time I don’t feel the happiness.

Im hoping by writing this out I might feel a little better

SammyB · ‎27-08-2019

Hi Tinas,

It’s great to have you here. I hope writing down your thoughts has offered you some relief. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and dogs. I can relate to your feelings of grief and acknowledge how overwhelming and lonely it can feel at times. Grief can touch us in many ways, sometimes even suddenly and unexpectedly which can make it even harder to cope with. Its normal to feel like you have lost hold of the things in life that once brought you happiness, but you have reached out here today which shows that you have hope and strength to continue to work through this, which is something to appreciate about yourself. I hear that what is most challenging for you now is being on your own while also managing your anxiety and periods of grief, which can make everyday tasks almost unbearable, is that right? It also sounds like seeing a psychologist is important to you, but staying motivated and following through with attending your appointments has been difficult. Is your companion able to support you in attending your initial appointment? Once with your psychologist it can be helpful to make a plan with them to assist with following through with future appointments. We can also talk through what the conversation with your psychologist may look like if that helps.

In the meantime, how can we support you in settling your thoughts especially at night, has anything in the past worked to help you get a more restful sleep? For myself, listening to guided meditations has helped settle some of my anxious thoughts. Would love to hear your thoughts and how you're going.

Sammy 🙂

Tinas · ‎29-08-2019

Thanks for your reply. I know things will pass and I just need to wait it out to feel better. Writing it down seemed to help a little. Just talking about it does help I think that’s why I should see a psychologist. Like I said it’s just getting there. I will ask for help to get to an appointment as I think it’s for the best that I do. I’ve been sleeping on the couch instead of going to bed and that has also helped at the moment. It stops me feeling so alone.

Mollie_59 · ‎29-08-2019

Hi Tinas. It sounds like a really challenging time for you. It's so hard to get help, I can relate to making, then cancelling appointments. I'm in my mid 30s and only got the courage to see a psychologist a few months ago, after years of struggling. It was really worth it though, and while I have lots of work ahead, it's reassuring to have help, and not just struggling alone.
I've been listening to Audiobooks at night, it helps sometimes.
Good luck with it all.

Tinas · ‎30-08-2019

Thanks for your reply. I use to listen to meditation while going to bed so I might have to look for them and start listening again. It been 7 years since I last saw a psychologist and I think I have forgotten a lot of what I learnt. A recap will be good. I just don’t like the idea of going over everything again I guess but if it helps me it will be worth it.

Its my mums birthday today so I think it’s all coming up again. The grief and missing her. She died so young really only 67. I was just 35. It’s been a while but still feels like yesterday sometimes. I just got to try remember the good stuff.