Almost 29, should have moved out of home by now....but scared to move to a sharehouse with strangers?

[livm88]

I've been thinking about finally moving out of the family home for over a year now, but as a shy person (with no friends, and never good at making them!), i'm reluctant to take any steps towards moving into a sharehouse. I'm worried I won't fit in (especially if it's a house where the others know each other or have already lived together a few years). I never go out or socialise (except with family), i'm afraid I won't have anything to contribute socially, and as someone who's been friendless for 15yrs+, i'm really not good at keeping up some kind of 'i'm normal' facade. I feel people will see through this, and especially start to wonder over time when they see I never have friends over or 'go out'.

Another thing that worries me is, i've always found it harder to get to know and interact with people my age (especially other females!). I find myself less anxious when talking to someone in a much older age bracket.

I don't have anyone I know to move into a house with me, I know my cousin wants to when she gets a job (or so she says), and there is my younger sister, but she has behavioural issues (due to cerebral palsy), and acts more like a 13yr old than her age, 22 (and seems to want to oppose every suggestion I have). So that leaves sharehouse the only option for now....but i'm reluctant.

Also, while I have managed to be in steady casual employment since February (and still receive Austudy while I study full time), I might soon only be getting 5-10 hrs a week (as the retailer i'm working for has brought in a new rostering system which will limit everyone's hours). I'm worried it will be a strain financially (or I simply wont afford it!).

Thanks for reading 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi livm88,

I don't think there is a time limit on when you should move out of the family home, everyone does it at different stages. 29 is still very young and just because you haven't moved out doesn't mean anything. When you are not financially able to support yourself then moving out will only add extra stress to you. A Sharehouse is a good option but going in may seem to stress you out so much more than just staying at home a little longer. Is it possible to stay at home and maybe save a little more money and rent on your own?

It's one of these situations where you have to weigh up each positive and negative of doing it and see what will come out of it for you in the end. You want to be happy with the decision you make and making an informed decision is always a good thing when it comes to this stuff.

Please, feel free to post back as much as you like.

My best for you,

Jay

[BlueGrass]

G'day Liv (habit of abbreviating picked up on forum I used to be on)

Hmmm, living at home versus moving out.

I am presuming you are basically comfortable with the current living arrangements? I would presume that there is a sharing of household responsibilities (washing, cleaning, cooking etc) and also that you are contributing in some way to the running costs of the household?

Sharing the "running of the household" is also good training for when you do go out on your own. Some find it a shock to suddenly be responsible for washing their own clothes, and feeding themselves, let alone cleaning the toilet 🙂

Now, first thing to consider is your financial situation. Are you able to handle the long-term costs involved with living on your own,..... rent, food, power, water..... Consider whether the financial situation may add stress to your life, which will then impact on your studies.

If there is no immediate pressure to move out, save steadily and regularly, putting aside in a specific savings account, the amount that would be needed for rent and basic survival. If you are paying rent at home, then that will be taken into account, but make sure the total of rent and saving will cover the costs of living on your own.

The benefit will be to get into the habit of living within your means, and also, will be giving you savings towards the bond and first rent (often equivalent of six weeks rent in total).

Socialising. Maybe join a Grow group, that will be a way of meeting others in a very "safe" setting. Join some sort of a club or group maybe. Does the uni have a social group you may like to join?

Be careful not to try doing everything at once. If you are easily overwhelmed, it is better to do things one at a time.

Hope there has been something of help in this ramble.

Take care. Hugs

[livm88]

Hi Jay,

Yes, I think you're right.....it would be better if I just stay a little longer and save. I really hope my cousin can find a job soon, and maybe my sister mature a little more...I really would like us to rent a house together (that way i'm not with strangers! and feeling more independent).

I guess I just feel the pressure from everyone (society), the way I feel i'm being viewed by most at my age....something i've been dealing with the last 5 years or so (every time someone/family member younger than me moved out before I did).

Thanks for your advice 🙂

[livm88]

Hi BlueGrass,

Yes i'm no way a slacker at home (and never have been), I buy lots of food (do most the cooking....i'm the only one interested haha), help with pet care, do washing, cleaning etc...

I'm worried at the moment about the financial costs....looking at rents/rooms here being around $160-200 some not including bills! And with my casual job....would probably some weeks be spending half my money on rent....then paying off my credit card....so it would indeed be a financial strain.

I guess it would be good to join some kind of group, I haven't really checked out the clubs at uni....I need to get onto that. And yes...I do tend to get overwhelmed.

Your advice has been helpful 🙂 Thanks

[MisterM]

I am in a similar spot.
33 soon, never lived out of home, not keen with sharehouses and strangers, unemployed, on Austudy and full time at uni.
But I know I may need to soon or if I need to move interstate to study.
My point, I'm with you, you're not alone.

[BlueGrass]

Hi Liv

I'm pleased my comments are helpful. I know of a 30 yo, working full time, living at home, sharing the household running like you are, and it suits everyone fine. Bit like MisterM says.

If adults can live together and respect each others space and privacy, and yet work together well, it doesn't matter whether related (parents/children/siblings) or not, it still works.

Don't be pressured by peers if you are happy enough where you are. Remember, everyone sees from their own perspective, and that may be way different from yours. That does not mean wrong or right, it means different.

Credit Card !!!! Work on keeping that zeroed! Remember that a credit card should be viewed as a very short-term loan that needs to be paid of asap. The interest will gnaw away at your money and could lead to a bit of stress. I'm thinking from the way you write that you are already doing that anyway. (Yes, I have a couple of cards, and now and then get hit a bit hard, but generally they are zero. It can be an easy trap to fall in to. )

All the best with your endeavours, I reckon you will, and are, doing fine.

[livm88]

Thanks MisterM 🙂

It's always nice to know there are others out there!

Yes, I know that feeling too....that it's time to move but also....not the best time!

Olivia

[livm88]

Hi BlueGrass,

Yes thanks again, good advice! I really need to be serious about the card....I pay off a chunk, then some days just let loose a little, honestly though, I've realised over the years...I spend WAY too much money on food that I could do without!!!

I guess with the house situation, I never thought of it that way, that it's adults living respectfully together, it doesn't matter whether it's family or not 🙂