Adult ADHD

[MelBouza]

My brother in law was diagnosed with adult ADHD last year.
The main issue we are having with him is his anger. Whenever a conversation doesn't go the way he wishes, or something happens that annoys him he will fly off the handle. He is also very self-centred and will constantly talk about his issues for hours. We try and offer advise that he regularly rejects and if we try and move the conversation away from him then he loses his temper.
We've tried ignoring the outbursts, confronting the outbursts, talking it through, -- but no matter what we do he seems to not feel like we are doing enough.
We've suggested he seek pyschological help, and maybe even consider family counselling so we can all get on the same page. But its like he's refusing to take responsibility and that its all what we are doing wrong.

Does anyone have any hints/tips/help for dealing with this scenario?

[white knight]

Hi,

I spent 6 years under the wrong diagnosis for adult ADHD and 12 different types of meds didnt work due to that. Eventually re-diagnosed with bipolar and all is ok now.
So I did lots of research into ADHD but am not a pro obviously.

You dont mention if he is taking medication so I'll assume he isnt. Medication along with several other processes like psychiatric/psychological care, ideal employment, working hours eg NO shift work, lots of good quality sleep all contributes to the symptoms reducing hopefully to s degree whereby his behaviour quells to a tolerable level. If one or two of these things are missing then you will be is strife in my experience.

The bottom line however, being an adult and seemingly stubborn, is "you can lead a horse to water but not force him to drink". We get that stubbornness a lot with all mental health issues and frustrated carers/friends/relatives fill this forum up. So you can only do what you can do and not much more. After that its a case of being kind but distancing yourself depending on the individuals tolerance of him.

Seeing as the main issue is "anger" I would be hopeful that, that issue could be addressed with professional medical help by qualified staff. Bare in mind that in SOME cases emotional immaturity can play a part in irresponsible reactions and self centred traits. I know this because one of my past traits was emotions of someone 15 years my junior and that was one area that mirrored ADHD. That's about all I can speculate simply to give you hope in terms of proper treatment.

Finally, let me say that it is difficult to manage most people with ADHD. They are indeed unwell and require lots of patience.

The following thread first post includes a technique to follow when having arguments. Worth a read.

Regards TonyWK

[Petal22]

Hi MelBouza,

Thank you for your post.

I understand that your brother in law has ADHD.

My only advice is just try to be understanding towards him even if it seems hard to do at the time.

If we haven’t experienced ADHD ourselves we can’t really know what that person is going through we only just be there for them and to hold understanding in an empathetic way.

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry this is happening. i agree, he could definitely benefit from some psychological help, but the problem with it is that the person has to be willing to seek help.

the best thing you can do is be there for him and keep encouraging him to seek help - as petal22 said, it's hard to understand what he is going through if you are not experiencing it.

jaz xx

[oceanentity]

I would set get your partner to have a direct private conversation with him about his “issues” saying he’s concerned about not only his anger but other concerns ,what about their Mum ? Can your partner have an honest conversation with her ? ADHD isn’t an

excuse to be angry or self centred (that could be a separate behavioural issue ) or separate diagnosis all together. 

[white knight]

Some very good replies here.

Anyways, I forgot to add an attachment

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/relationship-strife-the-peace-pip...

TonyWK