Acting like a child

Kazz-The-Goose

Hi there. I hope who ever is reading this is well.

This has been heavy on my mind for a while now: I fear that I act incredibly childish.

It is more so in my personality, as opposed to dependence or whatever (I am quite independent). I act eager or cheerful like a child, and occasionally seem quite stupid. Like I would get giddy about different things, but to such an exaggerated extent compared to those around me. I speak to my friends like a child, constantly making sure something I do is “okay” (pretty much seeking validation a lot) or apologising for the slightest inconveniences. I also get disturbed by more explicit content. If my friend is suggesting a show to me, I say if it’s “inappropriate” who needs parental consent to watch things. I don’t know why I act like this. I’m 18 for petes sake. I also refuse to swear (in public… anonymously online is fine since im not being SEEN doing it).

I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. Now, with no one nearby, I understand how weird this is. But when im with someone, its like im acting differently because its the only way I know how to or something.

For some context, because maybe it’s relevant and has something to do with that: I was physically bullied when I was younger for a few years. A much taller girl would be very aggressive toward me - it was hard to defend myself because i was, and still am, very short for my age. I also experienced a lot of mental issues when I was young, especially social anxiety, which I still suffer with. I find it difficult to talk to others big time, I feel so awkward all the time… My dad’s also very strict - he’s one of the reasons why I don’t swear because he gets upset with me for not being “feminine” enough. I also have OCD, a lot of my thoughts are around hygiene and staying very clean, which is why sexually explicit things make me uncomfortable (but I don’t have to act in such a weirdly childish way about it…)

is there anything I can do? Anyway to stop acting like this? I feel like such an idiot, and I fear that people see me as an idiot because of this too…

white knight

Hi, welcome

Eighteen year old although classed as an adult, doesnt download to maturity in every aspect. I'm 68yo and joined the AirForce at 17. At 20yo I left there and became a prison officer at a large maximum security jail. I thought, I've been in the RAAF, I'm a man now, I can handle this... not at all, emotionally , as I found out years later I was emotionally immature for my age right up till 50yo when it seemed I caught up. Now it could be due to my bipolar or autism however, it doesnt matter where it came from. There is two concerns-

1/ That many people dont fit within the scheme of what "normal is", that shouldnt be a concern but I know it is difficult when people judge you. In that case find a person or group that is very friendly and accepting.

2/ That you could be suffering from an illness you are unaware of. I was only told this January that I was highly likely under the autism spectrum then told to read a book "the complete guide to aspergers" and I basically read about myself! If you have concerns see your GP.

The rest of the details of your post is normal for you at 18yo. Be kind to yourself and try to relax, anxiety is something that is curable but needs a lot of effort. Read this link-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

TonyWK

Kazz-The-Goose

Thank you, I really appreciate that message: that makes me feel a lot less alone. I really thought there was something wrong with me - so im happy to hear that’s not exactly true.

Interestingly, my current situation seems to be relevant to the two points you made. The people im around ARE very judgemental… they are kinda the reason why i felt like i was childish since they told me so. Honestly, even if they make fun of me, part of me is accepting of that because at least someone is willing to talk to me. So, I guess I just act like a stupid child for that reason, but now I just can’t stop acting that way. Like it was some permanent change or something. it feels difficult to meet new people, though, since im in my last year of school (meaning i can’t work at a job again and meet new people because i have to work for that good end mark..).
i also have been told by my GP, and a few people I know, that I should read into autism since I display some traits, but I never thought too much about it. Maybe I’ll give that more of a read, then…

Your story with anxiety was inspiring, as well, and I really hope to recover too. Maybe I should put more effort into something subtle, like mindfulness, since I can’t do a more drastic change currently.

Again, thank you for your message, it really means a lot.

whimsymoonwitch

Hi love,

I cant tell you how many times in my childhood as well as well into my teen years I have sat down, listed all the traits of my personality ive wanted to wipe and replace with "better ones" eg - too passionate, too excited, too loud, too quiet. Whatever it took to fit in, and no matter how hard i tried i never did.

In my opinion, it sounds like you might have some unaddressed trauma and/or insecurity in your idenity, maybe from some experiences in your childhood from friends, bullies, family, environments etc.

Its hard when you feel like the only one who didnt get a handbook on how to act around people. You try to put on a mask and be like everyone else but you still stand out. Its hard. But i promise there is nothing wrong with you.

Please, dont dull your cheerfulness or excitement, its a beautiful thing i wish i didnt force out of myself bc its so hard to build it back.

Its also okay to be squeamish, reserved, not like to swear etc, those things dont make you childish. Your tolerances, beliefs, values and preferences are apart of you and you shouldnt force yourself to watch things or do things that make you uncomfortable just to feel like youre "like everyone else"

Youre not an idiot or stupid for being this way, this is part of who you are and its okay. I would suggest talking to a therapist about your identity/insecurity struggles and maybe have a look into research into neurodivergence! you might find you can relate, you also might not and thats okay too! talk about that with a therapist too they might be able to help you navigate this! reach out to headspace for some accessable services, they help young adults like us for free 🙂

sending all my love, youre gonna be okay. dont dull your beautiful personality to shrink into a box for other people. be authentic to you.

as missy higgins would say, dont be a triangle trying to squeeze into a circle, dont cut parts of you out to fit in.

huggs xx

white knight

A fabulous book is "the complete guide to Aspergers syndrome"

In regards to anxiety immediate results of relaxation and meditation won't be obvious but a daily ritual is the best. Deep breathing before sleeping has remarkable effects

Well done with your attitude, that shows maturity.

TonyWK

Eagle Ray

Hi Kazz-The-Goose (love the name by the way),

I just wanted to chip in and say don’t be afraid to be yourself. Sometimes we can think there’s something wrong with us if we don’t fit into certain trends or ways of being. But we are uniquely who we are and some of us may not fit into the social expectations that others hold onto. I remember when I was a similar age to you and my friends invited me to a violent movie. I’m really sensitive to violence and decided I just didn’t want to see it so I declined to go (which took some effort for me as I have people pleasing tendencies). I got the impression they were not impressed and thought this was weird. But I’m glad I followed what I knew was right for me. Looking back I think I was the normal one for not wanting to see violence, whereas they felt they had to be up with the latest movies.

So I think be proud of your unique self. I agree with Tony that you are showing maturity, especially as you are seeking to understand yourself. Not everyone has the courage to look within. And I agree so much with whimsymoonwitch to not dull your personality to fit in a box made by others. The most delightful adults I’ve known have so often been the ones who are in touch with their child spirit including their imagination. To me this is not childish, it is actually a wonderful part of being human.

I came to realise a few years ago that I am neurodivergent and I do see and experience things certain ways because of that. It can be challenging when you feel like you are a bit out of the mainstream, but on the other hand it can be a gift with unique and creative perspectives. You could always explore the neurodivergent world and see if it fits or not for you. In any case, it’s ok to be you.

Hugs,

Eagle Ray