Yo bro it's brsajo

[brsajo]

Hi.

I'm brsajo (if you want ya could just call me Brad), and according to MindSpot and BeyondBlue's online tests I show symptoms of mild depression. This may or may not have to do with the fact that I recently played the game, 'Doki Doki Literature Club' (I would recommend most people here avoid it; the disclaimer isn't there for no reason).
Granted it's only since playing the game that I've lost sleep overthinking things and having existential thoughts, but I think quite a few of the other symptoms that have amplified were there for as long as I can remember, just in a more manageable low-key state.
I feel kinda silly coming here because I underestimated a psychological horror video game, but at the same time I feel the need for support that I can't currently get from my friends due to difficulties in their own circumstances.

[geoff]

hi Brad, welcome to the site and no I haven't played the game you mentioned, however I have googled it, but these 'existential thoughts' could be related to OCD, so have you seen a doctor recently.

These few other symptoms may also be related to this illness, so I hope you can get back to us. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Brad / brsajo,

Welcome to the forums! Thanks for joining us!

So I haven't heard of Loki Loki Literature Club but I had a look to try and understand it a bit better. I understand how it can definitely either flare up what you're experiencing as well as maybe induce some mood changes.

For what it's worth, I think that it's good that you came here even though it might feel a bit silly. This can happen a lot with games; as well as movies/books/shows. They are designed to stir up lots of different reactions that can linger long after it's been played.

Do you want to share a little bit about what you're overthinking and some of those existential thoughts? Are these the ones that have started since you played the game?

Given that I haven't played the game it would be a good idea to wrap my head around what might have triggered what; and maybe what the next step might be for you. Geoff did mention seeing a Doctor but I'm not sure what your thoughts are around that.

Hope this helps 🙂

[brsajo]

A big part of the game is that one character (Monika) is self-aware that she's in a game and is able to edit the programming of the game. She uses this power to amplify the negative traits and mental illnesses of the other characters, in hopes of making the player choose to spend more time with her than the others. This backfires in ways I don't think I'm allowed to talk about in this section of the forum.
Basically this got me thinking about what would happen if my negative traits were amplified. If it weren't for my Christian beliefs, what reason would there be for me to keep struggling against the hardships of life? I'm lazy. I resort to escapism when I don't want to think about negative things. I feel disconnected whether I'm around friends or not. I can be the most empathic person one day and just not care the next...
I'm usually pretty good with horror movies and games like Slender or Silent Hill so I thought I could handle this game. I think Doki Doki got to me so hard because it's not just jumpscares and scary imagery. It makes you feel guilty about choices you were forced to make and doesn't let you make choices you want to make. It brings to light real world problems in a disturbing way. I play games to escape to a fantasy, but this game brought the two together in a way I wasn't ready for. I think most of the things I've discovered, or re-discovered about myself since playing it have always been there. It's just that the game took off my rose-tinted glasses and made me ask myself questions I'd been avoiding for so long.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Brad,

Thanks for your post and I appreciate your reply.

That sounds like it's been a lot to take on and all from one game. You said how it made you take off your rose-tinted glasses, so what's that like?

In one sense I think that seeing things realistically can be helpful - like how our negative behaviours affect others, there are some choices we don't always get control over and we can't unmake choices - but then on the other hand you said 'if my negative traits were amplified' - the key word there being 'if'. Even though our choices may have a ripple effect, it doesn't mean it's always going to be a negative impact on someone. Do I understand you right?

How do you see these things as amplified? Escapism and disconnecting is definitely one way to cope, but it's not the only way. They can definitely impact our relationships, but we can also keep making choices to find other strategies to cope that aren't impacting our relationships as much - and causing that negative impact.

and when you say 'what reason would there be to keep struggling against the hardships of life' I want to clarify that too. Is this in a sense of 'I see no meaning of living if it weren't for religious beliefs'?

I really hope that I understand you right here so let me know if I haven't 🙂 I read your message a few times to try and wrap my head around what's going on. I guess my takeaway is that Doki Doki Literature Club has given you a lot of insight into your moods and behaviours and the way all of this impacts your life. For me personally I can see that having some insight into how things are working for you and how things aren't can be helpful, but then sometimes insight can disguise itself into something else - like overestimating what can just be normal coping skills and ripple effects.