Why is this happening to me and how do I stop it?

Saraneedsyourhelp · ‎29-01-2017

Hi my name is sara and I am a good girl, I never do the bad things in my life and I am always good to people but with me, it is very easy for me to cry over small and stupid things. like for example when I asked my mum to put me some food on my plate she would laugh and say 'I just want to eat' and sometimes when my sister tells me to move I get upset easily and after I get upset, I get depressed and I don't stop thinking about that small situation all day, even people are annoyed with me because they think I am making up a story and that make me cry even more. I and 22 years old and don't have any friends. I was bullied at school, I would be little miss nothing and my 21 year old sister would be little miss perfect/ popular. I have suffered a lot as a kid and I feel like I am oversensitive, I just want to stop these feelings. And that's is not all, I had this boy telling me that I was a psychopath just because I yelled at him over the phone but he was the one who hurt me by telling me that I will never have kids and I didn't like it when he said that because I love kids and kids love me and I really want kids of my own one day. I fell as if no one wants to be around me or speak to me just because Im that sensitive and I really want to me like others - strong, not sensitive, happy, active, not caring what others think, not saying things like she did this or he said that to me (stuff like that, if you what I mean) Also what someone yells at me it is easy for me to cry. I wish I was more like my sister yes she yells sometimes but she forgets about it and moves on, I always say to my self 'Why can't I do that?' Look, I just need advice on how I can stop doing all those things I mentioned above, my dad thinks I need therapy and I have tried other websites but they didn't help. If someone could help me that would be great, I getting desperate. Thanks

BballJ · ‎29-01-2017

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Very tough situation you are in at a young age, first thing i wanted to say was be yourself, no need to try and be like your sister or others, you don't always find your friends in school, you can find them later in life so don't lose hope on that. Secondly maybe counselling wouldn't be such a bad idea, counsellors are great, they put things into perspective for you as they don't know you and just take in everything you talk about and try and help in any way possible. It's ok to be sensitive, so please don't think it is such a negative, it is just dealing with it in certain way which I would think a good psychologist would be able to do.

These forums are great so hopefully you get some great advice that helps you. Post back as much as you would like,

My best for you,

Jay

geoff · ‎30-01-2017

hi Sarah, it sounds as though it's been a tough upbringing as you say 'you have suffered a lot as a kid' as it appears as though your younger sister stole the highlight, and then to be bullied so all of this has lowered any confidence and self esteem.
Are you able to move out of home because it's a toxic area at the moment where your sister rules and well I'm not quite sure how to take your mum at this early stage, but the longer you are around them the longer and tougher itis going to be for you.
I would like to see you move into a flat by yourself to start with, and if you are on centrelink benefits then they will provide the bond money, plus give you rent assistance, but I would really like to know about your child life, only if you want to tell us.
I know that you say that you want to be like your sister, but I'm not too sure about that, that's not your type of personality as you seem to be much kinder, friendly person, only to be held down by these other circumstances.
Your post is going to need more attention, and we can't promise you the answer, but hopefully a big improvement, so please be patient but get back to us. Geoff. x

Saraneedsyourhelp · ‎30-01-2017

Hi geoff, well that's the thing, I am very close with my mum and dad but you see, my mum doesn't believe in weakness and she yells at me telling me that it's not a big deal. Sometimes she tells me why can't you be more like your sister. As a kid I nearly stopped breathing and they took me to the hospital I had so many operations. I remember everything when I was a kid and I do remember being in that childrens hospital crying. I also was diagnosed with ADHD and became aggressive, I would give everyone a hard time, but as soon as I reached the age of 7 I started to be more shy. This went on until I finished high school. After I finished high school, I started to be more chatty and I wouldn't stop being chatty (I guess I do it out of boredom). But that was the side effect of the medication I was taking, but lucky I stopped taking it. But people didn't know that and still got annoyed with me. Sometimes when I go to the shops people think I am the serious type and they turn their face away and talk to my sister as if they are scared of me, and that gets me asking questions, I mean I'm not that scary. After that I would go home and cry. And when you mentioned moving into a flat by myself, that's the thing, I am sick of being by myself. My sister has a boyfriend, she has met him since she was 13 and she is living with him and look at me 22 years old and still living with my parents. And that also get me more anxious because a boy did tell me I am never going to get a boyfriend or have kids in the near future and now I feel like I have to believe him. I cry everyday because I feel like I am going to be alone forever. But to be honest with you I am scared of meeting new people because you never know if I am going to be treated bad and make my anxiety worse and I don't know what to do, its getting way overdone.

Saraneedsyourhelp · ‎30-01-2017

Hi Jay, sometimes being my self is hard because I feel as if people are running away from me or they think I am too serious. I hate crying over things that have no meaning to it. I hate crying all together, especially when people tell me to move. When I go places and people are say excuse me, I accept that because that is more polite but when they say move it hurts me and I don't know why. I just hate it when something little happens to me and then I take it the wrong way after that I don't stop thinking about it all day. I just want to stop all this.

BballJ · ‎30-01-2017

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Thanks for replying.

It's ok to cry, but it's what we cry over and use our tears for that is important. I understand little things get to you and that is fine, that's where i think the counsellor may assist you, working through all those little things and trying to sort them out and make sense of them for you. Overthinking seems to be a big part of your mental health which is so common and one I am very familiar with so I understand what you are going through on that level.

My best,

Jay

Saraneedsyourhelp · ‎31-01-2017

I hate overthinking, its not healthy for a 22 year old. everytime someone does something like for example: When I think I am in someones way or while they are watching tv and they move there head (if you know what I mean), I get upset. Or sometimes when I am in their way, I put in my head that they did that. My main problem is misunderstanding people and getting angry and annoyed for no reason. Its not easy to stop it. The thing is I hate annoying people with my anxiety problem, I also got to a point where I am sick of it all together my self. I am getting desperate because not only I don't go out but I have gained weight. I want to go out for walks and exercises but I am just to lazy. Some people tell me that my weight is the main reason why I have anxiety and sensitivity. And it's true I also feel unhealthy. I am not fat but I just have the stomach and problems in my hormones. Sometimes It is hard not to talk to someone because you just want to let it all out. That is why I need a friend and I know friends don't come over night but you just get desperate especially when you see your sister having a whole heap of friends plus a boyfriend and your just left sitting at home with anxiety isolating your self from reality because you feel like no one likes you or is paying attention to you. Well that's how I feel and I need to change all that, that's why I am on this website because maybe you guys are my only hope.

BballJ · ‎31-01-2017

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

Thanks for responding again.

Overthinking is such a nightmare to deal with and it makes the smallest things seem so huge, that is one thing that would be sorted out with a counsellor, we are all here to help in any way we can please don't forget that but sometimes you need that extra help from a counsellor... can i ask what your views or opinions are on counsellors, is there anything stopping you from going? If so, I may be able to counteract your reasons with positive reasons to go.

I think one thing that needs to stop is you comparing yourself to your sister and others, every one will always have different stuff to you and when you learn to accept that, the happier you become, I wish I had a lot of friends too but I don't, I have a tiny handful and it took me many years to find them, I was lonely at 22 as well. Have you or are you able at all to speak to your sister about what you are going through? Or is that not your relationship?

My best,

Jay

Saraneedsyourhelp · ‎01-02-2017

well my sister goes to work and uni here and there and sometimes as she goes out she looks at me as if she is saying to herself 'I'll just leave her alone because she looks happy sitting at home on that laptop of hers'. But what she doesn't know is that I am crying deep down inside begging her to take me out. Besides I don't blame her for not taking me out as much as she use to because every time I go somewhere with her and her friends, I would call my mum to take me home. The thing is its not the fact that I get board every time I go out, I feel as if I go out Im going to cry for no reason so that's why I save my self the trouble and thats why I go home. My dad told me that my sister doesn't have that much friends either, they are just people she hangs around with. One day I heard my sister telling my mum that she wishes she could be like me because it saves her from having trouble making friends. My sister is not a trouble maker, she doesn't smoke or drink alcohol and she is afraid to do the bad things. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and I get worried about her and we are close but sometimes I have to stop isolating myself just because I am sensitive or I think Im going to cry everywhere I go. My sister would ask me do you want to go to the pools with me, I say yes but they are the type to take literary for hours there getting a tan, I can't do that because number 1 I have a problem with the heat and number 2 the last thing I want is to get cancer. So I just stay there for an hour swimming and then I would want to go home and that is annoying to some people because they believe that I don't know how to have fun. But thats not true, To be honest with you I hate the indoors, I enjoy outdoors especially in the winter. I am not a summer person. I remember on Halloween last year she took me to lunar park with a whole group of friends after that I managed to stay past 2am. I am the type that sleeps early. I am a very positive person and I know things are going to take time with me but sometimes I wish I would just stop complaining how boring things are. I am not exactly scared to see a counsellor but I am scared I will talk to someone who is not patient with me and might yell at me and doesn't understand my situation. I just need a counsellor with a good advice because I have tried before and no one helped me, they wanted to do their job and then get rid of me.

BballJ · ‎01-02-2017

Hi Saraneedsyourhelp,

It sounds like your sister is wanting a relationship with you as bad as you want with her... Have you ever tried telling her how you actually feel? Maybe showing her this post of yours and say read this.. it can get emotional but the more someone understand what you are going through the more they understand why you do the things you do... It may be just you two going out to the movies or something. There's also plenty of stuff to do indoors as well, do you both go shopping at all? that is always good bonding between friends or siblings.

Look, finding a good counsellor is hard, they generally shouldn't yell at you, they are there for compassion and to understand, they can challenge you on feelings but I haven't heard of them yelling.. it is so common not to click right away with the first counsellor you meet, but it is finding another you do click with and going from there.

My best,

Jay