I'm not sure if you've seeked prior counseling or therapy to determine the psychological origins of your concerns and traumatic experiences, but if not, that should be kept in mind. Conflict is inevitable. But that shouldn't limit who you are. What works for me whenever I feel lost or pessimistic I take a small portion of my day to observe nature or just a view I enjoy, isolate certain feelings and worries and understand they cannot control the person I am going to become, because it's not some tangible obstacle? Triumphing such dark and vivid thoughts is no easy task, so allowing your mind to focus on other things that you really enjoy can limit the control said thoughts have over you. Eventually, slowly but surely, you will feel more confident in the sense that certain things that aren't real cannot affect you, and dwindling will hinder your progression to your true identity. I'm also in year 12, so I understand foremost the stresses and confusion that comes with coming of age. But this societal construct of being a student and in a learning environment where the 'abusive teacher' may trigger, will end as you end your school comes to a close. The fact you've made it this far into before addressing such deep thoughts is admirable and must have taken a lot of courage to sum. So to conclude, please seek professional help, take a step back from it all and understand once you graduate, you'll be completely clear of certain past traumatic triggers as you become your own person. Once again, I'm also only a student, so I couldn't comment on the relief that comes with experience. So please take it as you will.
