Why am I here?

[Lonely22]

Hi. I live in central Victoria. I'm 22 years old. B4 I get into the depressing stuff, why I'm here, let me say this... My hobbies are painting, basketball, video games, reading. I spend most time playing bball, listening to music (country, rap, rock, Christian), I live in the country so that keeps me busy. I have severe OCD, have since beginning Uni, moderate OCD since I was 16. I'm here b/c I guess my social life is pretty non existent, excommunicated every1 since high school, hated secondary school. Look back w fond memories now though. I'm alone because I have chosen to be, but now, 4 years in, I can't do it anymore, but I don't like socialising! I'm a terrible conversationalist, an extreme introvert. And yet I'm lonely and tired of being so. I'm Christian. It's so difficult trying to remain obedient to God without the other positives life can allow, such as friends, being social, and so on. Idk, I deserve where I'm at I think. I've been blessed w every opportunity to social and create long lasting relationships in my life, only to take them for granted and blame my mental health

[Nikkir]

Hi Lonely22,

Thank you for your post and sharing your thoughts and feelings and welcome:) It must be hard for you to feel so isolated and alone and this may be adding to your depression. I can understand that feeling myself. I am in my mid forties and grown up kids and I am at uni, so everyone is half my age and my kids moved out so I too have interests but feel alone. By the way it is great you do have interests. I don't know if this will work for you but what I am trying is to join groups and go to things that aren't too intense and that I am interested in and just practice my social skills but I am not forced to make friendships straight away. So far its good, gets me out of the house and I do have a few people I can say hi to, not perfect but a start. What do you think ? Do you have support around you and do you have someone you can talk to? If not we are here 24/7 and you can call us on 1300 22 4636. You are not alone and we would love to know how you are going if you feel like sharing. Best Wishes Nikkir x

[Zeal]

Hey Lonely22,

It's nice to hear more about you. I just posted to you on Friends Café, and then noticed this thread you created 🙂

OCD is a major pain. I still live with it, and have for a decade now. It's a shame that your OCD is so severe. Do you currently see a doctor and/or mental health professional about this? When my OCD was more severe in my teens, the psychiatrist I saw really helped.

You certainly have a nice array of hobbies. That is something I personally struggle with. My only hobby is reading, to be honest. I also enjoy writing to people on the forum though, spending time with my boyfriend and family, and being with kids. My boyfriend absolutely loves basketball. He plays it, watches it and coaches it! His parents both played, and his Dad is still in a social basketball team. I have grown to like basketball more now, as I often go to watch his club matches, and we've been to see some professional games in our city's basketball arena.

What do you like reading the most? I enjoy fiction by writers like Peter Goldsworthy and Mark Haddon, psychology-related books and literature.

You don't deserve to be experiencing loneliness. Having a mental health condition does not reflect one's personal attitude and personality. It's an illness, and some people find it harder to overcome than others, usually due to both biological and environmental factors.

Thanks for your post!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Quiettall]

Hello

You are amazing. you have a great range of hobbies. You are very insightful. You are caring and very thoughtful. I understand that you are lonely and I really feel for you. I have been lonely before and even now, often get that same feeling, although I am many years older than you. You mentioned you are Christian. As a person who grew up with a strong Christian background, can I caution you not to let Christian beliefs and norms totsally control your life and become a sasis for self judgement. Having been through some of what you are saying, I found the norms that others impose based on their "Christian" expectations, really made my life hell. It was not until I left home, and really developed my own world and spiritual view, that I could see more clearly.

Keep posting as there are others here who care and will support you

[Lonely22]

Thanks Nikkir that's kind of you to say. I just feel like I'm never good enough. Like I don't belong, I mean yeah, I volunteer at an op shop, that's the extent of my social life right, even then I struggle and it's so frustrating b/c I feel like there's nothing I can do about it, it isn't just my social skills, it's my speaking tone, voice, all of it, it's a wreck, and nothing a speech pathologist can fix (I've looked into) and even then, what can I say, I'm not much of a conversationalist

[Lonely22]

Quiettall, thank you for responding! You know, nobody has suggested this to me b4, that my beliefs and expectations cause so much difficulty in life. I've recognised the impact this has on my OCD, because I get so anxious about obsessions I have, but it's nice to finally have some1 tell me this from experience.

[Lonely22]

Zeal, you come across as a very considerate person, it's awesome that you dedicate so much time to this, probably with not much recognition, thank you!

psychologists, counsellors, psychiatrists, they mean well, they just don't know much regarding my OCD, as it isn't like most. It isn't a contamination, sexual, or other type, it's really just... I mean I struggle to discuss w my psychiatrist right now, but I'm getting there.

My intetests, I have many but I can't experience them as I'd like, b/c my OCD won't let me, I kno, it's difficult 4 u to understand, but that's what it is.

nice that you have a relationship, I've never had one, and every day that passes I'm falling behind everyone else in development, maturity, everything, and I'm less and less likely to have one b/c there's nothing attractive about a guy in late 20s never had any1, am I right, 😕

What kind of OCD so you have?

I can't go to public events like matches, cinema b/c social anxiety

[Zeal]

Hey Lonely22,

Thank you for your kind reply! There is a great camaraderie among the forum volunteers, and the recognition comes through positive feedback from people like you posting 🙂 I really enjoy it, as I like the fact that I can use my past experiences with mental illness to relate to others and to give advice. It's a shame that you feel as though it's hard to talk about and work through your OCD. I am a little treatment-resistant, to be honest. My fear of contamination/germs makes sense to me and is so familiar, though I am very much aware that my compulsive
hand washing is not 'normal'. Many people with OCD have the insight that what they are doing is unhelpful, but as you would know, this doesn't make it any easier to overcome. I have done CBT before with two different
professionals, but I did not fully commit to the exposure and response tasks. I avoided doing the CBT homework. This was when I was a teenager though, and before I even started studying psychology. It is ironic that I understand OCD as an illness and how to treat it, but don't put it into practice in my own life.

You're 22, so that's certainly not in your late twenties! Don't worry, I know you meant to type early twenties!
I didn't actually have my first boyfriend until I was 21, and then I started dating the man I am currently with in May last year, when I was 22. Not having had a partner at 22 is not that bad, honestly. I used to feel bad about
not having had a boyfriend, until I started talking to people and realising that there were others who had their first boyfriend later too. I know a few people my age who have never had a partner.

I used to be really shy and self-conscious, though I wasn't diagnosed with social anxiety. There is a great site with online resources designed by professionals that you may find helpful. I was introduced to these by a mental
health nurse. Here’s the link: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

Thanks again for your post!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Doolhof]

Hi Lonely 22,

I too wish to welcome you to the community here.

When I was 22 I was already divorced from my first husband who was an absolute brute once we were married.

If I could go back to being 18 again, I would certainly have run away from that guy a lot earlier.

The thing is, please don't be concerned you don't have a boyfriend right now. It may seem to you that time is slipping away from you, just don't be in a rush.

You mentioned you are a Christian. If you don't mind me asking do you attend a Church? If so is there someone there who you would feel comfortable talking with regarding your thoughts and feelings about Christianity and all that happens around you in the world.

There have been many times when I have been greatly confused as to where my Christian beliefs fit. My husband is not a Christian, so that is confusing at times.

You mentioned something about your voice, would you like to elaborate on that further? There are times when we think we are so different from everyone else, but it may just our own perception.

I'm not sure if others have mentioned it or not, there is a social zone here on this site. You might like to check out some of the fun threads and connect with people there as well.

Do you find any treasures in the Op shop?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Lonely22]

Zeal, nobody has given me such personal and insightful support, it means a lot, coming from someone that was in the same situation!

I try to find any positives from my OCD I can. Take your cleanliness for example, that would make for a very orderly, germ free environment you're in, and that would be terrific, but believe me, I know how exhausting and mentally/physically draining it is...

The website looks great. Shy no longer sounds appealing, I do breathing relaxation every night, helps from time to time.

I hope your moving works out, I was so anxious my OCD was making me over analyse every move I made leading up to actually leaving home, that won't be an issue for you I hope, as your condition of concerned with contamination.

As always, discussing my issues with you has me feeling okay about where I am right now. THank you😊