Issues connecting with women

[AGentleSoul]

Hi everyone,

This is a really hard issue for me to talk about and it really hurts me. I can talk to women, but I am always plagued with thoughts that women find me creepy, unattractive, needy and scary. I do have some female friends, but it is always hard trying to talk women. I find it hard to text or face book message women because I feel that I am annoying them or I always think I have texted the wrong thing/texted them too much. Every time I talk to a women in person I always that they think I am trying to hit on them or being creepy when I am just trying to be friendly. It just hurts because I am 21 and I am trying to meet that special someone! I am not saying I need or want a girlfriend, but I just feel so worthless when I try and connect with a woman.

It hurts because makes me feel like I am going to be forever alone. I always get people telling me I good looking, caring and a gentleman, but I always struggle to believe that! It hurts because every time I get a crush on a woman I always think that are better men out there for her. I am also afraid to reveal my feelings when I like a woman because I don't wan't women to think that the only reason I am nice to them is because I am attracted to them. I just feel so lost and stuck.

[ahw309]

Hi AGentleSoul!

I am female and only 17, and I'm not sure if this post will be helpful, but I'll try my best 🙂

I won't say don't worry, but every time you have these negative thoughts, maybe try and challenge them? For example, with texting/messaging, what is the worst that could happen? They may ignore you, seem disinterested, or maybe they will say they are busy and can talk later. You are in no worse position than you were before. Yes, if you get rejected or ignored it will hurt, but you will become stronger, and will also learn something - that this woman isn’t the right person/friend for you.

I was actually talking to my boyfriend about something similar last night. He asked me when we first started becoming good friends why I never messaged him first (which was because of the same reasons you are struggling with), and told me of his hesitation to always message me. But he did, and I know it wasn’t easy for him (he also has anxiety), and I’m so glad he did, because now we are together and very happy 🙂 You just never know where things will go if you don’t try.

I’ve also talked to my boyfriend about how I believe that he deserves better, there are better people out there, etc. and he said that though I may not be the best person, I am the best person for him. Everyone has their strengths and their weakness, their own struggles, flaws and imperfections. The right people (people who you deserve and are worth the effort and time) will accept your flaws, try and help you with your struggles, and love you (whether as a friend or romantically) in spite of and despite these.

[ahw309]

From a female perspective, I can say that from my own experience as well as my friends’, most will enjoy meeting and getting to know new people. Many women may be in a similar position to you and desire to connect with a man, but are struggling to do so. It is unlikely people will think you creepy or needy. If you have friendly intentions, I am confident that these will come through!

Also, I know it is often hard to believe positive things people say about yourself, as it is something I struggle with too, but the saying that ‘you are your own worst critic’ is not untrue. If many people are able to recognise these traits in you, I am sure other women out there will see this as well.

Developing yourself and your confidence, pursuing your own interests and passions, and in doing so, becoming comfortable with yourself, may help too.

Take strength in other people’s belief in you, and even though it may seem impossible, try and take the plunge and give it a go! In the end, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain 🙂

Sorry for the long post, and I hope at least one thing I've said is helpful!