What has been most surprising about becoming an adult?

[sbella02]

I'm only recently into adulthood, and I've already learnt so much. It's quite enjoyable getting to experience a greater level of independence, and even watching all my friends from school/childhood adapt to adulthood as well.

I have to say, I wasn't at all prepared to see such a change in my social life. Some of my friends are already making steps towards forming their careers - they're doing really well in university, or forming small businesses, or taking external courses to help them build their resumes. Some of my friends are exploring their identities - they're experimenting with their style, dedicating lots of time to their fitness, or have come out as LGBTQIA+ and are working on their self-expression. Some of my friends are working full-time, making money to invest in things like housing or other lifestyle purchases. Some have chosen to take some time off to enjoy life - partying, socialising, making the most of their youth in a sense.

It's really interesting seeing how different people are reacting to adulthood. And there's no right or wrong way to do it, either. People will experience different things at different times, and it's up to individual interpretation how we respond to these experiences.

So I'm asking all the young adults on this forum, what's been the most surprising or shocking thing you've experienced coming into adulthood? What was something that you didn't expect, or weren't necessarily prepared for?

I also extend that question to people who have been an adult for quite some time, what's something you wish you had known about adulthood before coming into it?

And for all the people who aren't quite 18 yet, what's something that you're nervous or excited for once you become an adult? Any concerns, questions, or reservations?

I'm interested to see people's responses.

[livi_mivi]

Hey sbella02,

This is a really great forum thread. Thank you for asking such an introspective question. I think that when you are entering your adulthood, it can be quite a shock to the system so being able to reflect on your experiences and here from others can really make you feel less alone in your thoughts.

I think for me, the biggest things that I wasn't prepared for is the change aspect. I think in high school, I kind of lived in what I would describe as a bubble - being exposed to the same people everyday, having a routine/structure created for us that we were expected to follow, having to dress a certain way etc.

I think after leaving high school I felt really lost in myself. I thought I knew who I was as a person but I have learnt so much about myself (and there's still so much more to explore). I think the biggest shock is knowing that there is so much out there and that my choices, actions and the people I surround myself with can lead me on so many different paths. I was so scared of change because I was comfortable. I have come to embrace change and realise just how necessary it is, especially when comfort robs you of your joy and your spark.

Keep on shining everyone!

[missep123]

Adulthood - sometimes it can be so tempting for me to think back to high school and to how simple life was. However, I know that it is a 'grass is greener' on the other side kind of mentality as there were stressors back then (i.e. HSC).

I always had a plan after high school and didn't even account for it to change and when it did, I felt incredibly lost. Looking back though I am insurmountably stronger mentally. I like to think of everything I went through as a lesson that I needed to learn.

[quirkywords]

Sbella

probsbly the o,dest o this thread I have been an adult for nearly 50 years but how do you define adult. Is it turning 18 or is it leaving home or is it becoming a parent or being financially independent from your parents.

My adult children tell me to act like a grownup, what is that?

[sbella02]

Livi_mivi,

That's so true. In school, it's easy to think or assume you know everything about yourself. Adulthood really opens your eyes to new aspects of your personality and identity.

Missep123,

Another great point. I often find myself thinking that life was a lot easier back when I was in school. I guess in my view, every stage of life has aspects that can be easy and some that are challenging, and that in another five or ten years, I'll probably look back on my life now and think the same, that I had it easy. I'm slowly coming to love and accept that life ebbs and flows in this way, and that it's all simply part of the human experience.

Quirkywords,

I'd like to think that all of those milestones can be part of the process of becoming an adult. For me personally, turning 18 just felt like I was still a teenager, but with more legal responsibilities and capabilities. I haven't achieved any of the other milestones yet, but maybe they'll make me feel more like an adult.

What about you? How would you describe what it means to be an adult, or what it means to be a "grown-up"?

[mmMekitty]

Hello Sbella, Quirky & everyone,

If I define adulthood as the achievement of social milestones, having not achieved many of these, I'm not yet an adult, & will never be. Certain milestones mentioned, I don't even want to achieve, & I am content with decisions I've made about them. & not achieving them does not mean I have failed, or am still a child.

In my view, what makes me more of an adult now is the number of decisions I am willing to make, to some extent, the quality of those decisions & how much responsibility I will take for those decisions.

I'm still not sure if this is really what being an adult means. What of those who would take on decision making, but have conditions which render them incompetent? Does one have to be mentally competent to be regarded as an adult? Who does the regarding, anyway?

So, the whole question of what it is to be an adult, & how to know when one is, remains unsettled for me. Furthermore, it doesn't really matter, except when it comes to some legal/medical definitions... which I don't/won't/can't get to make.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

& it's surprising how complex these questions are.

So simple when I was a child, while we thought adults had all the answers & took them at their word, even when they had no definitive answer - "Because I said so", "That's just how it is", or (in my view), "God made it so"

If you are someone with a religious faith, then perhaps many things are still very simple as "God made it so". That doesn't satisfy me now, if it ever did When I was a little child, I did not believe what was said about God & Jesus, Bible, none of it. For me, the "God made it so" was another way of saying to not pester them with my questions anymore.

Surprisingly, I'm now alright with not having all the answers on a plate.

mmMekitty

[sbella02]

MmMekitty,

A really interesting point you've raised. I'd like to suggest another example, damage to a part of our brain like the frontal lobe may severely impact somebody's ability to make sound decisions. If they're over the age of 18, this doesn't make them any less of an adult, it may only impair their experience of adulthood.

I also love your definition:

In my view, what makes me more of an adult now is the number of decisions I am willing to make, to some extent, the quality of those decisions & how much responsibility I will take for those decisions.

Such wise words.

I agree, it's okay not to have all the answers all of the time. We're still figuring out life at every stage, and that's okay.

SB

[missep123]

I really love this thread because it makes me not feel alone in the complexities and challenges of adulthood which I was so oblivious to when I was younger!

One thing I realised about adulthood is that your 20s is often a decade of 'figuring it out'. When I was 18 I had a set goal, plan and trajectory. Now I'm almost in my 30s and looking back it has gone up, down and all around! I am okay with it now and I think I have grown strong from it but at the beginning it was very difficult!

[sbella02]

Hey Missep123,

Thanks for joining in! It's so interesting how much our plans and trajectories change throughout adulthood. Amazing to hear how you've grown and developed into your late 20's. I'm interested to know more about your plans/goals at age 18, where did you see yourself going, and how is your current trajectory different from what you had intended?

SB

[Lillylane]

Hi Sbella,

It’s surprised me how much I still feel like I’m immature. (I’m in my early forties). Like people are seeing me on the outside as a grown-up woman, but I feel like I don’t measure up to that at all on the inside.

The other thing that’s surprised me is just how messy life is!

LL