Went from having friends, a girlfriend and uni; to having nothing. I feel miserable

[anonymous7765]

I'm not sure if this is worth posting but here it goes.

I'm a introverted 23yr old male who has spent the past 5 yrs getting my engineering degree in Adelaide.

I am from a rural area, so at uni I lived on campus. I met 2 very good friends in my first year, and they were my housemates for the my entire degree. It was a 5 bedroom house, so in 2017 one of the last 2 housemates I was put with was luckily an 18 year old girl who I got to know well, and at the start of the second semester we started dating. She was my first girlfriend and we both had an amazing time together. She was the first person I felt like I could confide in and really open up to. I lost many 'firsts' to her, and I was the happiest that I had been for many years.

When university finished in Nov, we all went back to our own areas around Aus. My girlfriend and I decided that we would keep seeing each other (we were about 300kms away), so all through Dec we talked through snapchat everyday. Unfortunately, I live on a grain farm so I couldn't visit her through December because I was harvesting. She didn't have her license, but everyday she kept telling me how excited she was when I could finally come and visit.

Then came NYE. I had organised to come and see her in the first week of Jan, but out of the blue she snapchats me and says that she has work and I can't visit (she did that a few times before when I tried to come and see her) and that she "hates the distance between us". She then suggested that we kept the relationship "casual" and then if I ended up getting a job in Adelaide we could pick things up from there when uni started again. This was a massive kick in the guts and I took it as "I want to see other guys and then come back to you later" I told her I didn't want to play games and she either wanted to be with me or not. She said no. Why would she lead me on all through Dec if she was planning on getting rid of me anyway? I felt (and still feel) betrayed and heatbroken. Later on that night I see her snapchat story of her at the club having the time of her life. The fact that she didn't seemed at all sad about the breakup makes me feel even worse.

To make matters worse, I have no friends where I live because they have all moved to the city.

So I've gone from having awesome friends at uni, an amazing girlfriend and a degree to work towards, to no friends, no girlfriend and no job.

I'm applying for different jobs around aus but keep told no. The days go by and I just feel hopeless

[AntiHero]

Hi there,

It sounds like you've gone through lots of huge changes through a short amount of time. I hear your struggle. A relationship ending is never easy either. I've always been told to never compare my insides to someone else's outsides: whilst people who used to be in our life look happier and as though they have moved on, the truth is this might not be the case. We might never know - people come and go from our lives all the time. People have their own way of coping with different situations, and these coping mechanisms won't always make sense. (Trust me, I've tried to analyse and analyse what people are doing or thinking - it never works). What is most important right now is that you show yourself kindness and care.

Job hunting is never easy and can be quite an exhausting process - I've been rejected hundreds of times myself. Persevere. I believe once you get a job, things will change and develop for you (I say this from personal experience). It sometimes takes just once change for many other changes to follow.

[quirkywords]

Hi anon,

Welcome to the forum.This is a safe caring and supportive place.

Anithero has given some helpful advice.

I am sorry that you are disappointed with how things have turned out. You had a good time with your girlfriend but maybe being home she decided share wanted to do different things.

I am sorry you feel heartbroken. Getting a job after university takes time and it i frustrating plu you are applying at a time when everyone else who has finished is applying to.

I can see why you look at what you have lost instead of what you have gained but could you try that.

I see you have gained a degree, experience of a relationship, friends you met an uni, you have experience helping on the farm and am learning from applying for many jobs.

If you feel like post again and let us know how you are going.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Anonymous and welcome to the forums,

First off I wanted to remind you that you're not alone. Ok online conversations aren't the same as friends offline but my point is at this time while you're waiting for jobs and feeling disappointed feel free to talk. If a thread interests you join in. Feeling isolated is a horrible feeling so I wanted to remind you that you're very welcome and wanted here.

Secondly, the experience of leaving a rural home for uni is difficult in so many ways. It was a very tough time for me too. So much so that now I have kids of my own I am staying an hour from the city so that when they go to uni they don't lose their friends and family. The downside... I don't see my family much.

Unless you've lived it it is very difficult to understand the isolation and pull in two different directions.

Your ex girlfriend sounds quite simply very young and not ready for something permanent. I agree it is hard on you to be led on. Let her go. Good for you standing up for yourself and wanting more than casual. Her loss really.

What I found hard about uni being in the city was feeling excluded when I went home. My friends had family and friends in the city. I had one or the other. Either way I felt lonely and unwanted.

And like I was putting my life on hold. Everyone having fun, getting exciting jobs and moving on... except for me.

What helped me was choosing for myself where I wanted to be. I don't like the city so a smaller town suits me. But I'm closer for work and friends.

Just because you're not using your degree yet doesn't mean you cannot choose to move away from home. Sometimes jobs can come from volunteer roles in a company. You've got to start somewhere. And you can see your friends and get out and be the 23 year old you are. Have fun. Be independent.

Yes you have lost a girlfriend. But you enjoyed the relationship for the time you had. But you haven't lost your friends. Or opportunities to work. Just keep trying. And do what makes you feel happy. If that means renting in the city go for it! If that means a retail job for now so what? Money is money. You will find a job. Engineers are in demand still... Just gotta get your foot in the door.

I hope you feel able to see through the overwhelming feelings soon. You're going to be ok. Just keep trying and take care of yourself please.

Nat

[HamSolo01]

hey anonymous7765

sounds like you have had a tough run of late

there is strength in fighting against adversity my friend. Never forget that. Yes the situation presented to you atm is tough, i would be thinking the same as you. But dont let a bad situation get worse by renumerating or going over it in your mind and worrying about what others are doing. Easier said that done i know, but its important to always remember and consider.

Stay strong mate

[AntiHero]

Hey anon7765,

Hope you're feeling ok after your post. Always feel free to come back and chat if you need to.

AntiHero