Very lost

[TennisShoes]

It's very unlike me to post something like this anonymously, but I feel like I need to say something to someone.

I have no idea how to explain my feelings, so I'll start with right now. How I feel. It's tough for me to describe, because I've kind of been subject to ridicule about my strong feelings by my immediate family. I've tried to tell my mum that I think something is wrong with me, but she just thinks its something I'll grow out of in time. My sister says I'm a selfish idiot (which sometimes I completely believe), and my dad just doesn't understand what I'm going through.

I had my first major panic attack a year and a half ago, just before my second semester at Uni had started. I started to cry uncontrollably in front of my mum in the car when I was about to leave for my first lecture. It felt like I was having a heart attack and all I wanted to do was run back home and under the sheets. That was the day I stopped my uni course halfway through. I stopped taking the birth control pill (because my doctor and my mum thought that might have caused the imbalance), and I was looking for a job. Through out that year and a half I haven't had a panic attack, but I had been incredibly down. All I would do is sleep, not eat throughout the whole day then binge at night, play video games (which I think was the sole source of my confidence) and then sleep more. I think I spent most of my day sleeping, or hiding in the toilet and reading.

It only happened recently, when I had applied for a new course (since my job searching turned out to be a bust), I've started having panic attacks every day. Whenever I'd think about Uni, about leaving to go to lectures, seeing people, filling forms, I feel like I'm dying. And afterwards I feel so useless and hopeless and lazy. I sometimes hate myself because I know just how good I have it in life, but it feels as if I have absolutely nothing. Like I have absolutely no reason to live anymore. I can't find work, I don't think I can get through uni at this rate, and I feel like everyone in my family looks at me like I'm the problem child. 

Should I see someone professionally about this? Does it cost a lot of money to see someone?

[crowee1]

Hi tennis shoe feels a little weird calling someone that  but all good.  I actually work  in the healing field and have a lot to do with panic attacks so trust me you are not going crazy nor are you a selfish idiot. You are suffering from panic attacks these are extremely common particularly for women though men certainly battle them also as you will see elsewhere on this site. It sounds like you are depressed as well so getting help is an excellent idea you can get free sessions through a GPS referall on medicare. Check out the net for breathing techniques to overcome panic attacks amazingly you can gain control over panic and anxiety by learning to breathe right part of your attack is physiological that means your body is lacking oxygen correct breathing can change that and stop the tingling feelings lightheadedness and the tightness in your chest but you also need to battle the negative emotions that go with this and the lack of confidence and fear that goes with the thought of another attack this is where counselling helps heaps.What have you done so far to help yourself through? Feel free to post some more I am happy to respond.

Tony