Unnecessary comments from Nana

Deathbug9976 · ‎25-09-2022

My nana is always making unnecessary comments after saying things, and they always end up makeing me feel guilty. as an example: "It's nice to see you cleaned the lounge room. I don't see why you can't keep your room clean like this."

This isn't something that she has said, but it is pretty similar. these comments usually come after something that she thinks that I did well, and then they make me feel guilty.

I have anxious thoughts all the time, and always think of the worst case scenario, so I can't talk to her about it. what should I do.

sbella02 · ‎25-09-2022

Deathbug9976,

Thank you for opening up to us here, and welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear that her comments are making you feel guilty, that is not okay.

It does not sound like her comments are specifically coming from a place of malice, but the delivery of a compliment to somebody is important. This sounds to me like a backhanded compliment, whereby part of it is intended to be complimenting but the other part is intended to be an insult. These are not very nice to hear, so I can understand why you're feeling like this.

How comfortable would you feel addressing it with her? It can be helpful to express how something makes us feel, as sometimes the other person does not even realise that what they are doing or saying is harmful. I know you have said that you cannot talk to her about it, what are your concerns surrounding this? Are you worrying about what she will say or what she'll do perhaps?

Is there another close family member or friend you could talk to about how your nana's comments are making you feel? Sometimes it may be helpful to hear the opinion or advice of somebody who knows you well, as they may also have good insight into your life and what decisions or actions would be best for you.

I hope you find this helpful, please feel free to reach out more if you need. We're here to support you.

Take care, SB

Aussie.Girl · ‎26-09-2022

I'm sorry to hear that your Nana's comments are making you upset. No one likes feeling as though their efforts are not appreciated.

As sbella mentioned, it doesn't seem like she is saying these things specifically to hurt you, so perhaps the best course of action would be to discuss how these comments make you feel with her. I realise you said you can't, but depending on your reasoning for this, approaching her directly may still be the best option.

Alternatively, could you speak to someone else in the family who may be able to explain the situation to your Nana and help resolve the issue?

If you are struggling with how to phrase your feelings, it may help to write them down so that you can get your thoughts in order prior to talking with your Nana/family member.

geoff · ‎27-09-2022

Hello Deathbug, I would regard this as some type of emotional bullying and there's an old saying 'you can't have your cake and eat it too'.

Your bedroom is your domain and a question for you, does she do everything that makes you happy, such as cooking, cleaning or shopping or prepare everything to your liking or just the way she wants.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Deathbug9976 · ‎28-09-2022

Just to let everyone know, although nana does live on our property, she isn't my caretaker or guardian. she just lives in her own little space in the back yard. I still have my parents who look after me.