Trouble with mental illness

[Lyf_is_hard]

So for the longest time i was interested heavily in computers and electronics. I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and this was my obsessive interest that i had. Although as i grew up in recent years (currently 15) i have lost almost all interest in this area. Along with my Asperger syndrome i have also been diagnosed with Anxiety, OCD and Depression. This combination has become completely overpowering in recent years to the point were i cant even close the door without going through a mental check list to make sure everything has been done right and nothing will ever spark a question from anyone.

My OCD is rapidly becoming a massive issue. It's making its way into every aspect of my life. My OCD started out as a small minor thing like making sure all of the blinds in the house are closed fully or open all the way. But in recently it has come to the point were i cant even check my phone without it occurring. If i get a notification on my phone i will swipe down to check it, dismiss it, check again and repeat checking another two or three times. Then i will go into settings to make sure my ringer volume is all the way down. I will do this two or three times as well. Then i will lock and unlock the phone about three times to make sure nothing is running in the background. That was just one example but it extends to all matters of life in a similar matter.

I have suffered HOCD which is a form of OCD that constantly makes you consider your sexuality. I know that i am straight and have no attraction to men in any form however my physiological OCD obsesses over this and i spend probably four or five hours thinking about this everyday. Most of my day is taken up by mental contemplation and mind traffic as i like to call it. I constantly think about everything and obsess over things exactly like this. I constantly think about the same thing or repeat words in my head thousands of times. I have repetitive images my myself getting injured in car crashes or other physically damaging scenarios. This came on about two and a half years ago and has been in my mind everyday for at least two plus hours. It never used to be this way but i consider mental obsessions like thinking about the same thing over and over again day after day to be my biggest issue right now.

Please help me understand what is going on. Thanks.

[MsPurple]

Hi Lyf and welcome to the forums

I can relate to a lot of what you are sharing. I myself also have depression, GAD and occasional anxiety attack.

When you say you have a lot of terrible images pop into your head these sound like intrusive thoughts. To quote wiki "An intrusive thought is an unwelcome involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate."

I know how terrilbe intrusive thoughts can be. It can feel as if it is difficult to manage but I found talking about it was one thing that helped. A psychologist or counsellor have the skills to help manage this. They can teach you these skills. I was suggested to give meditation a try. I myself found this helpful as I used the technique when an intrusive thought popped up.

I want to reassure you that you are not alone. Many people go through what you are experiencing. Unfortunately not that many people are as brave as you and discuss it which is a shame because it makes you so isolated. I am glad you shared

[geoff]

Hello Lyf, can I also agree with MsPurple in regards to this and say that I have OCD and had it for a long time.

When you have this illness the checking gives you relief, that's why you keep doing it over and over again, now those who don't have OCD can't understand why we just can't stop, well, it's this illness making us do this.

Walking away from an unchecked door causes a very bad feeling, which is too much to tolerate so you have to check it, and this maybe a certain number of times, let's say you have to do it 4 times.

The reason why you are thinking about HOCD is that you are having 'intrusive thoughts', they come and go, and will annoy you, worry you because they aren't true but you're having them.

Just wanted to make contact with you, and hope that you can reply back to us.

Geoff.