Times ticking and I don't know what's going on with my friendships

[Kkgirl]

I've been dealing with anxiety and depression and I've been getting professional help since earlier this year, and a few of my friends who are a part of my close friends group knew what was going on. I felt so great having this tight knit groups of friends who were like me safety net, we always had a good time and I could distract myself from all my negative thoughts.

Things got a bit rough with one of the close friends who knew about my situation, and me always being angry and volatile ended up starting arguments every once in while, until one day, a few weeks ago she told me she had had enough of me being like this. We still all sit together and I'm still included when we hang out and stuff, but for the past few weeks things have been super tense. Even other friends in the group who never had problems with me were suddenly distant towards me and even quite snappy and irritated when I tried to have normal conversations we would have.

This really got to me and I had no idea why all of them had been acting different so I decided to ask them, as a group message, and also explained to those in the group who didn't know, what I was going through.

But that just seemed to push them further away. No one responded to that message. I don't know but they seem to think the solution to what I'm going through is to just make me feel more lonely, excluded and forgotten?. Yes I still sit with them and I am a part of the conversations and plans they make, but (I don't know if it's just me) it just really feels like things are different and they're as not as close and don't like me as much as they used to, but noones confronted me about it so I don't know why things are this way.

Part of me wants to ask them what the deal is, but I just don't know how to ask without them being more irritated and distant with me. And it's just the worst timing, being the final week of year 12, and I've not only lost my bestfriend/relationship but I also feel like I'm losing my group of best friends. I really don't want to, and I want those friends to be a part of my future but I feel like it's too late, and they're only including me for the sake of school.

theres just so many things going on and I keep wasting so many days feeling lonely, bored, unmotivated to do anything I enjoy and just depressed. I literally just sit here feeling like "bleh" and I just can't explain, and it's also taking ages between psych appointments and I just don't know

[white knight]

Hi kkgirl, welcome

Yeh, psych appts take forever whereas we are here 24/7 so at leadt you can chat and ask questions.

As a rule you cant force friendships. You have to wait till they come to you. If you have to make people explain their friendship then they arent friends.

Please read the following thread. Use google

Topic: they just wont understand why? - beyondblue

Good luck. Friends are great but as a bunch they can be fairly nasty.

Tony WK

[Kkgirl]

I feel like I have no one to talk to. I just feel really lonely and like I don't have any real friends to enjoy the last week of school. This is not the life I want to live and I don't know how to make anything better. I've lost everyone, without being given a reason why. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me and why everyone can so easily let go of me.

[BballJ]

Hi Kkgirl,

Sorry to read what you are going through at the moment, I remember my high school years, particular year 12 and not really having any friends to celebrate it all with. As someone who has suffered from mental health for many years I know when telling friends, they simply don't always understand what it means and get a little scared to talk about it due to the unknown. There really isn't anything you can do in those instances as much as we wish there was, a lot of people just do not know how to respond. I think it is good they are still including you in things and sometimes our minds are our own worst enemy and allow us to overthink every scenario in our heads, for example if you feel they are being distant, you are almost looking for reasons to say they are being distant. It may or may not be happening but our minds tell us it is.

May I ask, how often are you seeing your psych, you said it's a long time between appointments? You need to keep focusing on getting yourself better as well as much as you can.

Please, feel free to post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[swtpotato]

Hi Kkgirl,

First know that you can talk to anyone on here and you will always have support! I think I know how you feel, I was feeling very similar just a few weeks ago when my depression suddenly became too much for my friends to handle.

Loneliness and abandonment are very painful feelings, and can easily make us act desperate to connect with others and resentful when people act un a unpredictable way. People can act in seemingly cruel ways when they do not know how to deal with a situation. Some people refuse to see the negative part of life and avoid it whenever it crops up. This is their own issue to deal with.

I would suggest first acknowledging these feelings and try and not be ashamed of them, but also try to avoid projecting them onto your friends. Perhaps try focusing on yourself and acknowledging that you have the ability to validate and encourage yourself regardless of how other people are acting.

Your friends may come to understand what is going on in time, they may just have their own individual stresses to deal with first. Please be kind to yourself, it is a very difficult thing to handle.

Tbh I am not really sure what I am talking about, and still need practice in helping people here I think. What are your thoughts on this?

[startingnew]

hello Kkgirl

welcome to the forums

the others here have offered some great advice.

i remember when i was going through high school (only 3 yrs ago) and how hard it was when youfelt like you ahd no one. you said its the last week of school as in for the term or for the year?

have you got any friends outside school such as people in interest groups? alot of the time if im being honest here is that msot high school friendships dont really last but when you get jobs or start uni and make new friends they generally last longer because you ahve a life outside of school as well

[Kkgirl]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses

Yeah this week was my last week of formal schooling in year 12, and now I've just got graduation week next week and then the hsc.

This week has been significantly better-- I got a chance to spend time and talk to a lot of friends who are not part of my close group, I finally saw my psych after 5 weeks and got the mental health care plan sorted and just had a chance to reminisce on all those years of school tbh.

As for my close group, I'm still included and they've been nice to me, I figured there was no point confronting them about the ugly and it would be better just to enjoy the week as much as I could. Honestly though, I miss being close to my best friends from that group, and things still feel different, and I feel like they're not willing to join me in resolving things properly. I still feel quite invisible and ignored and intentionally or unintentionally left out, especially when my group joins with other groups.

the last week of school also really got me thinking about who will be there when school ends, and how many of these people are only my friends because we see eachother at school everyday. And that scares me, ive always expected for myself to have at least some of those people in my future, e.g. My guy best friend, who drifted this year after our relationship got complicated, and my group of girls who have just become annoyed with me. And now I'm scared they won't be a part of my future and I've just messed up.

I don't know it's all just scary, and right now I can't really talk to any of my friends about it. And idk just feeling alone scares me, I don't have many friends out of school either. I feel like I didn't have the final year I expected to have this year and it makes me depressed. And unless I am distracted, which is quite rarely, I just find myself being drowned in all these thoughts and not knowingness what to do. Maybe I am just overthinking things but I just can't think rationally and get on with my life!!!

Whoops I didn't realise I had so much to get out, sorry for another massive post. Thank you all for your support, I hope I can overcome this and do the same for others soon.

[startingnew]

Good luck with your HSC


im glad your week has been better, no use worrying about things that might not last after school finishes.
Im glad you were able to get to see your psychologist and getting your MH plan as well.


Youll be able to make new friends, try not to worry about your friendships. I had the same thoughts and I had 3 close friends I dont even speak to them now. After the hsc they didnt want anything to do with me, deleted and blocked me on fb and these were the people I thought were my best friends.


I understand how you feel, but if they dont hang around then you know they werent real friends

[BballJ]

Hi Kkgirl,

I think one to thing to realise is that you do not stop making friends once high school finishes, in fact I think once you finish high school and go to uni or get a full time job, you start making all these new friends, I know a lot of people who didn't meet their best friends until later on in life because other things draw you together and when you are working in a career you want or studying a subject you want, you end up meeting like minded people who most likely share the same common interests as you and that allows you to make friends easier and more longer lasting. Try to enjoy everything about graduation and make the most of it.

It is great you are back seeing your psych as well.

My best,

Jay

[Kkgirl]

Maybe, things will be better in the future, but that doesn't seem to settle me for right now.

I can't not remind myself of how I messed up with my friends, and being paranoid that none of them like me and are spending time without me. And I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling but just thinking of how I lost my friendship with my two best friends and they're gonna be friends once school ends but I'm not, and they are people that really matter to me. I'm just angry at myself for all the things I did to push them away and I keep just trying to think of what I should've and could've done, and what I can do now to fix things between us, even though reality is it's up to them.

its really just messing me up, yeah the future will hold better friends, but right now and for the rest of this year I can't stand feeling like I have no one. My friendships just all could've been so good if this depression and anxiety and paranoia didn't get to me... I hate it