Parents and Anxiety....

[Chicken1]

My parents and I have a great relationship, no doubt, however we don’t always see eye to eye, especially me and my mum. My mum and I have a very close relationship however she is often short tempered with the smallest of mistakes, which I understand. When she gets angry however she brings up all the mistakes I’ve made in the past and prods at my confidence and ability. I guess this has been her way of motivating me for years, asking me to prove her wrong . Until now. Her shouts causes me to panic. I can’t control this anxiety caused by her voice her words every time she raises her voice at me when she’s angry I just curl into fetal position unable to move. I just block my ears and cry. What makes it worse is she tells me to stop acting or being dramatic and well my anxiety just gets worse and for some reason makes her more angry. I’m writing about it now because it’s happened on several occasions just in the past month and I don’t think it’s a normal reaction to have a panic attack when your mum shouts. I’ve tried telling my dad and he says it’s just part of being a teenager. But I don’t know anymore. What should I do?

[white knight]

Hi chicken, welcome

Im 61yo. As a teenager I was shouted at by my mother also. It left me with anxiety and depression...lifelong

Re: ". When she gets angry however she brings up all the mistakes I’ve made in the past and prods at my confidence and ability. I guess this has been her way of motivating me for years"

No not motivation. .

Imo its could be control or frustration. Whether we like it or not teens can be annoying but some adults dont know the better technique of how to get the best out of them like encouragement, reward and treating them with respect. She might also have issues like marital, work, emotional problems you are unaware of

How to tackle this? Part of becoming an adult or at least being respected as one is to face conflict. Answering her onslaught with facts eg "that is in the past " or "how old was I then?" or "that event happened a long time ago, it doesnt help referring to it now" or "we all make mistakes in the past, I wont pay for them my whole life, that would be unreasonable" or "yelling is abuse,,stop yelling". If you are really desperate talk to your school counselor.

So being factual is being fair to defend yourself. It isnt fair to be anyones punching bag so to speak.

You have a right to defend yourself but do it in a calm manner. Keep a low volume and stick to facts.

Google

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

Tony WK