Sudden but short bursts of sadness and anger

[Anonymouspotato]

Hi,

I feel like I need to get things off my chest and don't know whether I have mild depression or not. I'm currently finishing university after a long struggle, having failed subjects before and on the brink of getting kicked out. However I had managed to barely pull myself together. While this was going on, my parents had split up and then a few months later got back together. During these periods I had been feeling extremely lethargic and fatigued every other day, no energy and helpless that everything was out of control. However when I passed subjects they would go away for a time and I was feeling ok.

However the feelings have come back due to a sinister turn of events. In an exam yesterday I was charged with academic misconduct due to a supervisor finding notes on my body. Beforehand I had thoroughly ensured I had no notes on me whatsoever. I have been offered a job starting next year which depends on me graduating...so why on earth would I jeopardize myself like this? I had already passed 50% of the subject beforehand as well.

The only thing I conclude is that someone blackmailed me. I had a lot of disagreements and conflicts working with other people in this subject during the semester in assignments, but don't want to jump to conclusions as to who would want to blackmail me like this.

Now my job is on the line and I may not be able to graduate this year, I am feeling so upset and frustrated with myself, and also extremely hopeless I can't do anything. I haven't been able to think straight and can't bring myself to think of anything else but this, which brings more misery and sadness. I'm sorry for ranting but had to get it off my chest. Is there anything I can do to fix my screwed up, depressed head?

Thank you.

[JessF]

Hello Anonymouspotato, I am not sure I quite understand what has happened with your exam... when you say notes on your body, do you mean things written on you? Or pieces of paper up your sleeve? I'm not sure how something could be on your person without you being aware of it...

[Zeal]

Hi Anonymouspotato,

Welcome to the forum!

Finishing your university studies while having to deal with illness and other life stressors is a big feat - so congrats on getting through! Have you seen a counsellor at your university before? This service is usually free, and is completely confidential. Making an appointment with a doctor (GP) is a good idea right now. Your doctor, after hearing about your situation and symptoms, may refer you to another professional for more personal support.

Wow, so you weren't even aware of the notes being on you. How do you think this was possible? It's a shame that there were disagreements with others in your cohort. I'm glad you are making sure you don't jump to conclusions though - that's important.
I also had an exam yesterday actually, and now I've finished my degree 🙂 It's taken me a bit longer, as I've had mental health challenges too.

Talking to the head of your uni faculty (or equivalent person in charge) is a good idea. Communicate with the academic staff, and explain as clearly as you can what happened. Talk to your family about your situation too, as this can be a huge source of emotional support.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[PatT]

Hi Anonymouspotato,

First off, if you really believe that you were sabotaged then consider bringing a formal appeal to the university's faculty head and really plead for some sympathy. I've heard of people getting caught cheating (not implying you are) and they've made a really emotional appeal for some understanding. It works some of the time.

Regarding your depression, what do you do to improve your mental health? Speaking to a doctor would be the best first step but there are things you can do besides that to alleviate some of the symptoms of depression. Namely exercise, socialising and forcing yourself to do things, even if you really don't want to. I completely empathise with the debilitating effects of depression and it can take an enormous amount of willpower to make yourself do things and get physically moving but if you can, it will benefit you more than any medication or psychotherapy.

Personally I try to stay pretty busy but schedule in downtime to keep myself sane. But yeah, I'd really recommend speaking to your GP about speaking to somebody professional. It could be just what you need at the moment.

Pat