Dear Cateanne
Hello. I offer a warm welcome to you from Beyond Blue. It's great that you
have found this site and that you are looking for support. There are so many
people who write in here with all sorts of difficulties and find the strength
and support of others help them in their various journeys.
Making friends, that's a big question. I imagine that you know a number of
people such as neighbours and workmates. It's good to start there. Instead of
looking for someone to befriend you, have a go at befriending someone else. Who
are your neighbours? Can you start chatting to them when you walk down the
road? Introduce yourself and start a conversation. Just because the person is
not in the same age bracket as you does not mean they cannot be your friend.
On my way home from the train station I used to chat to lady who was often
outside sweeping the leaves, killing ants or other garden tasks. She was 20+
years older than me but we enjoyed chatting and as time went on we became
friends. You probably think this is no fun and does not provide a companion to
go out with, and this is true to some extent. I really loved being with her and
listening to her observations on life, sharing a cuppa, laughing at jokes and
feeling generally comfortable. We gave a lot to each other. Sadly she died
nearly two years ago and I miss her, but her legacy stills lives in me. It was
a privilege to know her.
It's the same with your colleagues. Talk to them in the lunch hour or
similar, ask what they do at the weekends, talk about films, books etc and when
you find a common interest or something you would like to try, suggest you both
attend a function of this interest. I do understand the feeling of not being
good enough. I have struggled with this for many years, and still do on occasions.
If you reach out a little and see how this unfurls you will find people to
trust.
It's sad that the first casualty of any trauma is trust. So dip your toe in
the water and see what happens. You could attend activities that you want to
learn or already enjoy but would like to attend with others. What about a book
club? Your library may have details. Pilates, walking or gardening groups,
community or volunteer work. These may not bring you into contact with a large
number of people you want to get to know more. What does happen is that you
find places and activities that you enjoy and become a more contented person.
This is attractive to others and will attract others.
Try it and see.
Mary
