Still Feeling Very Alone

Fitzy14 · ‎06-07-2015

my best friend & his mum were my 'saviors' they helped me get back to what i thought was normalsy after i moved states because my ex & I split, but because i had left my job had been diagnosed with epilepsy & was constantly sick I didn't work. I eventually got caught up in a bit of debt, wasn't entitled to government support and was so afraid of asking family for help (i have always feared the authority figures in my life, from a young age but I still don't know why, the worse they do is yell). For sometime i tried to bury myself in the sand & would hope all the pain & anxiety would go away &everything would get better. It got the point where Id avoid family dinner &events due to feeling like the failure in the family i felt inadequate. A few months had passed and although i was still bottling up alot of things i felt somewhat better. That was until my mum rang me & told me how she felt no one loved her and that a few months ago she tried to kill herself, i cried for hours after that i couldn't wrap my head around it. This was the moment "the lid blew off the bottle" alot has happened in my life especially as a young adult & i spent so long burying it.I took my meds like any other day but i didnt stop I OD'd. when i came too my family was there & my mum was flying over from the east.. they all wanted to help me get better but no one actually helps. Dad asked me to move in with him so he could help me get better &stand on my own 2 feet but its now become clear to me he has no idea what hes doing & has no intention of finding out how to help. He records me when i have anxiety attacks & tells me I belong in a mental institution, on the days I struggle to get out of bed he yells at me & threatens to kick me out , tells me no one wants me & that life isnt just a free ride (im applying for about 60 jobs a week & finally get government support which i give him). I feel very much alone because my mum is over east my sister doesn't want to deal with family drama & my dad is just angry all the time, he believes that my anxiety attacks and me being in hospital was just an attention seeking move, i go to the psychologist once a fortnight & he believes i don't go tho because im not 'cured' yet like its suppose to happen in 10 weeks like the world is suppose to be magic.magic. Im exhausted with fear & just in general and i dont know how to get him to see Im struggling

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Lori · ‎07-07-2015

Hi Fitzy14,

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a really rough time after everything with your ex and family. Unfortunately your dad is reacting in a really awful way and i could only imagine how hard it must be on you to live in an environment like that.

What is great to hear is that even though things are hard with the family you are still staying strong, your applying for jobs your seeing a Psychologist its all really good things. Living with your dad isn't going to help you recover, have you looked at housing options ? see what is available for you ?

While your living with your dad maybe it's a good idea to look at trying some relaxation strategies to keep your self calm while you dad is reacting the way he is, by practicing relaxation strategies it can help prevent less anxiety attacks and help you control them always remember your breathing.

I believe that you really should look at housing options for yourself if your dad isn't going to be supportive about this. He is wrong about you, Stay strong keep pushing forward and don't let any body stand in the way of your happiness! You deserve to be happy and with the right people in your life and the right environment you'll get there!

Well done for reaching out and for holding on, i am really sorry to hear about this horrible experience that your having but hopefully very soon it will get better for you 🙂

- Lori

PatT · ‎08-07-2015

Hi Fitzy,

It sounds as though you're in a really bad environment to be managing your problems. Mental and/or physical health issues can be a tricky one with families - when they are long and persistent, family members can react by becoming frustrated and unkind. Some people don't know how to deal with someone who suffers from mental illness as the idea of something that isn't physical doing so much harm is beyond their own experience and understanding.

From my point of view, it sounds like you're not going to receive the support you need as long as you continue to live with your father. Unless you can sit him down, have a serious heart to heart and explain to him the extent of your issues I really don't see things changing. If I were you I would start looking into some other housing options. Where were you living before you decided to live with your father? It would be in your best interest to live with other people, even if that meant sharing a flat with some strangers around your own age.

We can only start to get better when we surround ourselves with positive things, and in your case it sounds like you need to find a more stable and supportive home environment. As for right now, try and stay in contact with people, get out of the house for at least an hour every day doing something for yourself, try to stay active and I would highly recommend looking up some guided meditations on youtube. Chuck one of these on, lie somewhere comfortable and focus on the speakers voice. Meditation has helped me as much as any counsellor or shrink, so try and give it a go.

All the best,

Pat.

morgs29 · ‎08-07-2015

Hi Fitzy,

I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with such painful circumstances. What your dad is doing to you sounds really upsetting and not supportive of your mental health. I think it's really important at this stage to reach out to a social worker or even the online / phone support from BeyondBlue. It sounds as though you need to be living in an environment where you are fully supported so you can make a start on your journey to recovery.

It takes a lot of courage to reach out to the online community here, especially when you are dealing with what you are dealing with at the moment. I remember when I was first diagnosed with my anxiety and depression and didn't get the support I needed from my family. It made my mental state much worse. Once I moved out and got the support I needed with a social worker, counsellor and others, that's when I first started noticing a change in how I was feeling.

Keep us updated with how you go. This may be the beginning of a long journey for you, but I can promise you there is support out there. It's just a matter now of linking in. Keep strong.

Look after yourself the best you can,

Narniakid · ‎08-07-2015

Hi Fitzy14!

Welcome to the BB forums, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I agree with what the other users have said - it sounds like you are lacking a solid support network. Your mother is obviously not in a condition to be there for you, and your father is in denial, so it's at the stage where you should consider regularly seeing a councillor or psychologist, and give the hotline a call.

I'd have a look into some other living situations, as your father does not sound like he's making the situation any easier. Keep applying for jobs, and keep yourself busy with hobbies and doing things you like, have enough down-time as well. Make sure you're looking after yourself physically - get enough sleep and keeping a balanced diet.

Have a read into the resources for depression and anxiety, and the different treatments. Make a mood board of things that inspire you, quotes and photos. Keep a scented candle you like in your room and light it when you feel stressed. Try some art therapy, and keeping a diary, or writing poems.

But most of all, don't give up! Negative thoughts are just reactions to fear. You can get through this!

Crystal

smoothdog · ‎09-07-2015

Hey Fitzy14,

Let me begin by saying that your conditions are one of the most difficult I have read and that you sound like one heck of a trooper! Having to deal with your medical condition, whilst worrying about non-supportive and ill family members as well as financial matters is no simple task. I hope the replies here give you continued strength to fight the good fight towards a better life. If you ever feel like it is becoming too much, don't hesitate to reach out to Lifeline or beyondblue's phone line at 1300 22 4636.

As many have previously posted, I would also like to reiterate to reinforce the point: your current living conditions do not sound like they are helping you. BUT I would ask that you not see your dad as your enemy just because he does not understand your condition. Mental conditions are particularly tricky to understand and equally frustrating as a result. Maybe you could bring him to one of your psychologist appointments or have him speak to your psychologist? As someone who lives with a family member suffering from ill mental health, I have said and done things I regret, which I believe are due to a poor understanding of the condition.

The only other thing I'd like to say is the loneliness you are feeling only serves to make things worse. Having a strong support network (which could include your dad) is INTEGRAL to a healthy life. I'd highly recommend seeking out support groups (perhaps for those also with epilepsy?). You've posted here on BB so you've already one huge support network backing you now 🙂

If you ever feel like a chat, we are here for you.

Fitzy14 · ‎09-07-2015

Thank you all for your support and showing me that although I am struggling with my family i can still seek support elsewhere.

I have thought about moving out of my dads, alot recently but however due to looking for employment this is not really a viable option and I am signed on the lease until November at the earliest.

Most have you have recommended taking up a hobby and practicing breathing techniques and calming techniques, you will all be pleased to know in an attempt to relax I have joined my local yoga class and find it therapeutic.

In regards to dad not understanding I have made him appointments with a clinic that helps parents deal with their child having mental health issues. though on both occasions he has not shown up, which tells me he is not willing to learn about my conditions or how to help.

Once again Thank You All

SeanM92 · ‎11-07-2015

Hey Fitzy14

The way your being forced to live at the moment really does suck, i grew up in a similar household where either seeking help is a ploy to find attention or that your just not going because your not better instantly, it only makes it harder and even more so when its family that put that on you.

It does get better, i promise. You have done an amazing job hanging in there so far and handling everything from the looks of it. The fact you have even tried to help your father understand by making him appointments is great as well, even though it seems he doesn't want to understand better, that's his decision.

You mentioned that your looking for employment, now that your receiving government support, most government agencies can actually give you contact details or refer you to employment agencies who are there to help people in your scenario to find work and to help you move out. You could even ask your therapist for information as they will likely be able to better refer you to a specialist organisation.

Its great to hear that you joined your local yoga class, its an excellent idea which works for alot of people.

Your doing an impressive job of staying strong and trying to make it work, id ask your therapist or your local government service office about the employment services as they are a great help and are also there to hear you out and to help you out.

Take care, stay strong and remember, You are not alone in this.

Felicity308 · ‎13-07-2015

Hi Fitzy,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. You’re really doing an incredible job coping with everything going on.

I’m really sorry to read that your father hasn’t shown up to your appointments, it may be something he’s just not able to cope with and turning up would mean accepting the reality of the situation for him. Seeing as you also aren’t in a position to move out until at least November I think it’s really important for you to ensure you have a solid support network outside home. Some you might wasn't to use: -

Phone support like Life Line or BeyondBlue are great
Close friends you trust and feel comfortable around
Your psychologist
You can always post on this forum and be confident about having people to support you

I think it’s great you’ve started yoga! I also do yoga :). While your situation is hard to help it sounds like you have quite paralyzing anxiety and that maybe if you could get that to calm down it may make life a bit easier. You may have tried these and they may not work for you but some of the things I use to help are:

Singing (I know it’s kind of embarrassing) – I go and sit in my car to use the radio to sing to because it takes my mind of breathing and it forces me to take deep breaths and slows my heart
Mindfulness meditation
Running/exercise

Hope something in there helps you. Just remember that we’re all here for you and that you’ve done so well already.

shad0wings · ‎13-07-2015

Hi Fitzy.

Wow you are having a really tough time - i'm really sorry about what you're going through. Unfortunately, confronting mental illnesses can be a challenge for a lot of people, especially the middle age-elderly. When they were in their youth mental illnesses were hardly known about. My dad has struggled with accepting my depression (first believing i was making it all up), and 1 and a half years later and minimal improvement. However, he was not yelling or giving me a hard time.

The situation you're in however, is definitely an issue. Have you talked to your psychologist about this? If you can, I would advise that you see him once a week instead of a fortnight. Suicide is a big deal, don't take it lightly. You are definitely in a bad stage at the moment and you need support and to be surrounded by love to truly get better.

Maybe try and move in with the best friend and their mum? They sound like great people who really care about you. I personally don't think your father is helping you mentally at all.

Try your best to stay positive! Surround yourself with love and kindness.

Best of luck, I hope things get better! :))

~ Taylor