Social anxiety at a peak/ kinda taking over.

[PacketOChips]

So, I’ve always had anxiety/social anxiety and it’s never been a real issue (never really interfered with my life or social situations too much). I learnt how to deal with it (in way I thought was healthy which looking back doesn’t seem to be the case) and mask it, creating the illusion that I’m was this confident guy. However, now that I’m 23 and in my last year of university, I’ve started to realise that I’ve lost my grasp on keeping it under control. It’s been gradual but I’ve come to realisation that I’ve begun to feel more and more uncomfortable in social situation, to the point where I go into this strange fight or flight mode when directly spoken to (by someone I don’t really know/aqauaintence) and thus become tounge tied/ stumble on my words/ say incoherent sentences when I reply and just overal feel stupid or dumb. I’ve also realised that due to this I’ve slowly been isolating myself from my friends and even family. Like, for example if I have a day off and someone asks to hang, I’d make up some excuse as to why I can’t hang and just stay at home in my own world playing videos games, reading or gardening. I haven’t completely cut off, I still socialise and have a large group of friends, and I’m active in uni clubs and a performing arts group but my first thought when someone asks to hang on a day off or after work or whatever is “no I can’t” and just head back home into my safe zone andI’m starting to realise a pattern of me neglecting some of my friends needs. I want to get on top of this before it gets out of control, so if anyone has some helpful tips of changing ones mindset or even dealing with social anxiety in a healthier way than ‘masking it’ that would be dandy

sorry this is so long

xxxx

[startingnew]

Hello and welcome to BB

Do you know what might be causing this anxiety to come up at all? sometimes identifying what is actually making you nervous about hanging with friends could be helpful in working out ways to solve this or reduce your anxiety.

one way to maybe reduce that anxiety is to invite a friend over to your house, or agree to at least go to one hang out session with your friends. do you think this would be possible?

[PacketOChips]

Hey,

thankyou so much for replying, sorry for the late response.

Over the past week I’ve really tried to be proactive with getting out there and making myself more social with my friends and whatnot. I’ve felt better to some extent but I still have the burst of nervous energy right before meeting them or leaving the house. I’m not sure if it’s because deep down I know they don’t completely understand me or, I dunno.

Ive spent the last two days at home with my boyfriend just hanging out, and today his at work and my mind is telling me I need to go hangout with someone or else no one will like anymore and I’ll have no friends (a strange logic). So I kinda have the swing between “I’m too nervous to hang with people or leave my safe space” and “I gotta hang out with everyone now or they’ll leave me” . One again thank you for your response.

[smallwolf]

PacketOChips,

Hi. Thanks for your response. I do have a real reply to possibly help you, but wondering what flavor of chips (looking at your name)?

I see a psychologist (she) in relation to anxiety and depression. She suggested I read a book called "The Happiness Trap". The author is a psychiatrist also. When it comes to matters of the mind, I will only read something suggested by a professional. The author also has a web site, phone app, and ways for dealing with (social) anxiety. I hope the moderators don't mind, but on his web site, you should be able to find a page titled...

The Biggest Myth About Social Anxiety

which also provides ways of managing. Ultimately it comes down to distraction and coping tools. If you would like more information on this, please let me know.

Tim