Should I seek help or overthinking?

[Magic_bunny]

Hi I am an international student who been away from home for 5 years so I don't have anyone on the sidelines to help identify if I have a problem or not as I'm pretty much on my own most of the times, only back for holidays. Hope you don't mind this long explanation as I want to be thorough.

So it's my first semester of uni and I haven't really make any friends, together with other stuff happening it lead to a bit of an self evaluation. I honestly don't think I am depressed cause I don't feel sad but here goes. It's been 4 years since I have had any close friends or tbh any friend's at all. Combined with the fact that I was bullied when I was in my country back in secondary school, I had only 1 close friend pretty much since I was 13 but whom I have not talked much to due to distance now that I'm overseas. I don't know why but I am not able to form any relationship at all, friendship and romantic which I'm really struggling with. In fact, its literally been 6 years since I made a friend and maintain that friendship or even a guy at all. But 1 thing I have been happy about is recently reconnecting with 4 of my childhood friends back home. Other than that, I don't feel the motivation to make friends or even step out of my room even though I do feel a little sad about the lack of friends.

[Magic_bunny]

Despite this I am not shy although I was told a few times by my sister that I sometimes come off as unfriendly and cold. In fact some acquaintances I know labelled me as outgoing. If I tell them I stay home almost all the time surfing the net they may not even believe me. So, I'm not sure if I'm considered lazy but I skipped a lot of my classes and lectures in uni and stay in my room for periods of 2 weeks only going out for grocery. I don't know why I do that but I waste my time on the internet and watching tv online, staying in bed wasting the day away. I repeat, I don't feel depress at all, but occasionally I do cry just to let it out and then I'm back to normal. I feel kind of bad as I want friends but I'm not even motivated to go make some. But I do admit I have some insecurities and self esteem issues especially when it comes to making friends as my sister is quite pretty and have a cool vibe who don't even have to make an effort. So I can't help sometimes comparing myself to her. I guess my main issue that I can identify is being afraid that people would like my sister better than me and comparing us internally but that's about it. But I feel ok with all these though because I do enjoy my own company alot. I do what I want when I want, no pressure to entertain or watch myself with others. So again this doesn't seem very depressive at all and I sure as heck don't have social anxiety cause I do function normally and able to converse if needed. Went a bit off topic there but yeah, I'm not sure if my I should seek help or do I even have a problem? Some advice would be great.

[Ken1]

Hi Magic_bunny!

I understand your reluctancy to go out and meet people. It can be really hard and as social connection is a vital human need, I think this is worthy of a little attention!

It's great that you've been able to reconnect with some of your childhood friends! Can I ask how often you get to talk to/see your family back home, as well as friends?

I don't believe that a lack of friends should prevent you from anything! I went through a long period where I would make friends and lose them so quickly and always always thought it was me. I ended up not caring and started doing things on my own. I went to plays and concerts by myself, had coffee by myself and am only now starting to reconnect with people! Often, trying to make friends doesn't work - it can just happen naturally which is why I think that if possible, try to still make the most of things!

I would be a little cautious of spending so much time at home. This can become really comfortable quite easily and can actually lead to a fear of going outside at all. Just wanted to caution you.

If you are on the fence about seeking help then I would just suggest to do it. You're only going to gain from it!

Look forward to your response, but no pressure if you don't want to.

Bonnie 🙂