Should I be concerned?

[Musco_monkey]

Hi,

 Names Jack, as you can tell from my forum name I'm a musician from brisbane. I'm 17 years old and I am currently studying at a music orientated high school. Basically to sum it up, in the past I had these really bad thoughts of demotivation, low self-esteem, anxiety and extreme stress and now these thoughts and feelings has raised once again. 

 And I'm going to be honest, I'm a very fortunate kid with this school and the opportunities I have had in the music industry. However I don't understand why these thoughts and feelings have came back. Almost every time I come back home from school I break down in tears or even on the train I just break down in tears. In a sense I know the reason but that reason hasn't even happend.

 For example, I analyse everything way to much. I always judge by body language, facial expression and actions, so if I get a slight "hint" that this person doesn't like me, my head for some reason explodes that small hint into a huge problem and that's when I begin to feel real down. Today I was at school and my girlfriend didn't really talk to me as much as she usually would, I'm not sure why but the thought "I'm going to lose her" came into my head and that was all I was stressing about all day. However when I'v calmed down (usually late at night) I know for sure that I was worrying over nothing.

Another example would be related to my music. There are days where I am extremely motivated to get stuff done like that EP cover I was finishing or various other works then there are days where I feel extremely unmotivated. Unmotivated to the point where I feel useless and I question to myself why do I even try? It's been months since I'v experienced these issues and now they have come back again. What does this all mean? Should I seek counselling or should I just brush it off and hope for the best?

 Cheers, Jack   

[Musco_monkey]

Hey!

Back again and now I'm 21, music is still my passion, I love performing and I'm only at peace when I'm with my band. Every other time I'm just existing, just breathing, just barely human. The way I see things is everyone is on this earth together and we need to build each other up and make sure we make it through to the end. I think everything can be solved without aggression or anger. I've been diagnosed with D&A yet I have decided that I dont want to take medication. I want to live without meds so I've been trying to battle it with my own coping mechanisms. I'm on here today because I've been having problems with socialising and I've also been having problems trying to live. I started doing MMA to ensure that I have self defence behind me and to build up my confidence a bit more. No matter how many times the opponent makes me see stars, I feel like my coach and peers are trying to push me out of the club, make me hate it. I can't stop feeling defeated every time I go. Same goes with my job, I work as factory hand at a manufacturing warehouse which takes the energy out of me. I also have hinman-allen sydrome which is basically the functioning of my bladder/bowl. I've had multiple surgeries in the past however for a few years now I've been coping very well until something from a previous surgery showed up so I've had to take work off every time and again. Because of this I've been experiencing bullying from my boss, my co-workers, no matter what I never show them that it effects me.

This world just becomes uglier and uglier as I get older. I just got back from a trip in Ireland a few weeks ago, and I was walking through Milltown cemetery in Belfast, me and my Grandad were on our way to see our relative's grave when something very tragic happened. Minutes before we arrived, someone had ended their life. Me and my grandad had stumbled upon the body and the family were there in hysterics. Forensics or police hadn't even arrived and it was my first time witnessing something like this. This had changed me, it showed me how precious life really is and how we need to take care of it, sometimes I think was he unfortunate to lose his life or was he fortunate to not be in pain anymore. Yet I know I'm strong enough to withstand this god awful planet. Heres the thing, with all I've just said, I somehow can say that I am capable of taking on any challenge, I just need to muster the energy up because its the will to survive. Thats existing, not living.