Separation Anxiety

[Softy10]

So I realise I need help... I'm 23 and I cannot leave my boyfriend, he is so understanding of all of this and it is no threat to our relationship but it's horrible for me because I honestly cannot stand being away from him.

He has gone on holiday for 2 weeks and left me behind to work, the day he left I cried and cried and wouldnt go to work or let him leave, I was hyperventilating, sweating, honestly beside myself, there was no control. And now he's gone I find myself extremely emotional, tense, can't sleep which makes everything worse, I don't want to socialise in case I break down and make a fool of myself and I am finding it extremely hard to get myself motivated to do anything. I'm a mess. This isn't the first time I've been this way but it seems to be getting worse. I feel like a part of me is missing and surely that's not healthy to rely on someone to make you feel whole as he obviously cannot be with me 24/7. Sometimes even when he is home I'm so clingy that sometimes I find it irritating if he locks the bathroom door to go to the toilet because like what if I need him?

Adult separation Anxiety is killing me. I do not want to feel like this for 2 weeks or whenever he's not around... what do I do?

I am already medicated for Depression and Anxiety.

Please help me cope.

[topsy_]

Hi Softy10

I want to welcome you to BB. I'm sorry you're experiencing such a terrible time at the moment. I used to feel like this too when I was much younger & newly married. (I was 19ish then).

I would be a cot case if my husband was away overnight. I would wear his pj's & I once rang my father about 3am to come get me. I can't believe I did that now!!

One of the worst things was I had to go to a residential college for a uni course I was doing. The place was 5 hours away from home & the minute my husband left I went to pieces. I cried & cried for hours & couldn't come out of my room.

I waited the 5 hours for my husband to get back home & rang him to come get me. As you might imagine he was very unimpressed. I didn't get any better overnight so he did come back the next day.

So I can very much relate to how you feel. I'm sure there will be others come & answer who will have really good advice.

But I would like to point out that even though you feel terrible, you are surviving. You will make it. And it won't always be this tough. As hard as it is now, you will get stronger.

With my best wishes, Lyn.

[Croix]

Dear Softy10~

I'm very pleased yu came here, it looks like you have done exactly the right thing, and you will already have found out that others here have had the same problems and can understand.

You are of course right in thinking you should not need your boyfriend on hand 24/7. Its not a good thing for either of you. He does sound pretty good and understanding though, which is a real blessing.

I guess the first thing I'd do in your shoes is go back to my GP and say that your current regime is not working well. It could be that the medication is not right, or just as likely that medication by itself is not all that is needed.

While I'm not a doctor, only someone that suffers from anxiety and other things, I believe therapy by a psychologist or psychiatrist can be very helpful for many anxiety conditions.

I rather think, based upon what I and others do, there are things you can do yourself to make life easier, and they fall into two categories:

The first is to try to reduce your background every-day stress levels. I try to exercise, try for decent sleep and eat sensibly. Excessive drink and rec. drugs are out.

At the same time I try to avoid - where practical - things that I know will raise my stress levels, things like avoiding some people or situations, not confronting myself unnecessary with things I can't change and so on.

Most importantly I regularly try to do things that I enjoy and make me forget the world for a while. I read or watch movies. Do you have something you could do, that you could look forward to each day?

The second is to try to deal with anxiety attacks as they our. Controlled breathing, moving away from the scene, even going for a walk, consciously trying to think different thoughts away from what's driving you at the moment, and remembering you have come though before.

I also use a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. This takes practice beforehand so I use it regularly, then when I have a panic coming on I use it to move my mind out of that mode. Works quite well.

Do you have a fiend or family member you can talk to, who can help you? I found this a real plus.

I know all this sounds rather daunting, however I'm nothing special and I've found I can make a great difference. Please post again and talk some more

Croix