ROCD? HELP.

[ace1998]

Hi, I'm not sure how to start this but I guess I'll explain how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking.
In February 2016 I got into a major fight with my boyfriend of 5 years and felt like he was going to leave me which made me have a severe anxiety attack. After that I never felt the same and began to have intrusive thoughts about my relationship and if I should stay in it. When I tried breaking up with my boyfriend I became quite depressed and realised I wanted to be with him still. I know I love him deep down but I don't feel the way I once did. I keep getting thoughts like "do you love him?" And then check up on my feelings. I have days that I feel like I'm going back to our normal selves but have days where the thoughts become more instructive. I'm scared that he's going to leave me and become obsessively jealous when he's not around me that someone else is going to get his attention. I want to spend my life with him and I want things to go back to the way they were but I feel like I'm just numb and anxious. My sex drive has been dead since the fight but I still enjoy sex with him. Sometimes I think "is this ROCD or am I falling out of love?"But even the thought of falling out of love with him makes me so depressed. When I am next to him I feel fine and I want his company all the time. When I'm alone I get very bad. I love him so much and I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Please help me, what is wrong with me?I feel so down all the time. Always irritated and angry at everything. I want to feel like myself again...

I can't wait to hear back from someone.

[Starwolf]

Hi Ace, thank you for finding the courage to reach out and share your concerns.

Acknowledging there is an issue is the first step towards healing it. Well done !

You need a proper diagnosis before going any further. I suggest booking a long appointment with a GP. You may need to be referred to a counselor/therapist to help you get to the root cause of those fluctuating feelings. You deserve to regain peace of mind and the future of your relationship deserves your attention. The mind is a complex maze. Obviously the argument episode has sent some of its elements out of kilter. There are times when a guide is needed to help us find our way.

So please take good care of yourself. Mental/emotional turmoil is a medical condition and should be considered and treated as such. No need to struggle alone with something that is not going to go away by itself.

You obviously care for your boyfriend but are confused re the exact nature of those feelings. Soul searching is not made any easier by mental/emotional issues. Putting your thoughts in writing often helps clarifying them to ourselves. Checking the info in the Facts section at the top of this page may help you figure what you are up against but only diagnosis by a professional will allow a specific issue to be treated.

Kindest thoughts.