Im not sure what else to do anymore

[Tcs466]

Im 21 years old and roughly 2 years ago i would of been known as the life of the party, popular i guess, a very social out going person.

Now im bed bound most of the time when im not at work. going out just stresses me out. im constantly over thinking my actions and i mean every action, even walking. I never even use to think what someone else would think about me and now im worried about what strangers passing by think. i hate meeting new people. ive lost any sex drive. im sick of being alone but meeting girls or going on dates is something i freak out about so much i dont want to even attempt it.

Recently i just moved from a small town to the gold coast. something that i always wanted to do its always been my dream. Since i was little i was inlove with the beach. when i first left the house to start my 12 hour journey a couple of boxes fell of my roof racks my clothes were scattered along the road and instantly went into an anxiety attack and was going to give up on the move but i was determined to get here so while still mid melt down i gathered my stuff off the road and pushed on

now im here and ive got a job and still nothing. i still break down like twice a week. i dont want to go do anything. i dont want to try new experiences. ive gone to the beach once since ive been and just like everything i use to love and be excited for i just cant be bothered

I quit smoking and weed to try and clear my mind remove my demons and still no help

I go to gym to stay active and that does nothing.

Ive tried councelling once but crying in front of a complete stranger ruined the chance of me ever going back and trying that again

There is just a constant voice in my head all day long with only dark/negative things to say. even when im in a comversation i tend to zone out and just hear that voice again.

Im just running out of ideas. i dont want to be like this anymore. i want to be how i use to be.

Its got to the point where like i would never kill myself id never do that to my family but idk. i guess im just exhausted of pushing myself to keep going.

If anyone feels even remotely how i do id like to keep in contact. help each other out.

[Zeal]

Hey, welcome to the forum!

I'm glad you've come here for support. I'm 23, and had mild depression in my early teens, and I've had anxiety/OCD for 10 years.

You seem very independent and strong, in moving away from your hometown and finding work despite the intense negative thoughts. You deserve to be proud for quitting smoking and weed. That is a major accomplishment in itself, even if it hasn't directly led to a positive outcome for you. It will pay dividends long-term for your health though. Despite having resilience, you still need and deserve support from outside yourself. Going to the counsellor was a great start. It's a shame that it was a negative experience and turned you off going back.

Did you live with your family in the small town? It's important to have social and emotional support, so is there a way for a family member to come and stay with you for awhile? If not, calling home every week is a good idea.

Helplines are a great way to address negative thoughts confidentially. Here are 24/7 Australian helpline services:

Beyondblue: 1300 22 4636
Mensline: 1300 78 99 78 Online counselling is available: https://www.mensline.org.au/
SANE: 1800 18 7263

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Doolhof]

Hi TCS,

Welcome to the community here. I see Zeal has already been in touch with you and offered you some numbers to check out and support as well.

I'm more than twice your age, plus a few years! I have depression and other mental health issues, plus general "Middle aged" health problems as well. Ha. Ha.

Being 21 is not always all that easy, especially so if you are feeling depressed, down and unmotivated. Like Zeal mentioned, you have managed a great deal just by moving.

Connecting here is a great first step. You have acknowledged how you are feeling, you now have people you can share with.

When I am feeling low, I sometimes force myself to get out of the house and go places, once I am the there I actually enjoy myself. Like you mentioned it is those self doubts and self images that can hold us back.

It may help to make a list of things you would like to do there and places you would like to see. Try and achieve one of those things each month, fortnight or week and see what happens.

Sometimes face to face counselling can be confronting. A phone service might be beneficial for you.

Recently I was given a card with web sites on it, a couple being ruok.org.au and mindhealthconnect.org. I am now going to start a therapy session through a group called Mindspot on the computer. Something like that may be beneficial to you.

Having a chat with GP is a good idea as well. If you can't tell him or how you feel write it down and hand the list to them.

I also understand the exhaustion of trying to look after yourself and making yourself better. You don't have to do it all at once. One step at a time is a great way to proceed.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Nansee]

Reading this broke my heart.. so sad to hear you going through it but... i have never been good with words or describing things and what you just did was describe everything im going through. I stay in Sydney ive had anxiety and depression since i was a child... im now 25 and ive decided (only a few hours ago) "i need help" no one knows im going through this... except my partner but its hard for him to fully grasp it and understand (dont blame him) i break down atleast 3 times a week.... and everyone sees me as the "life of the party" "cheerful" but thats just a mask i put on infront of EVERYONE.

I have no udea where to start to get better... so im out looking for people in my shoes to talk to... share and help together .

#MaskedGirl

[Doolhof]

Hi Nancee or Maske4d Girl,

Hopefully you will be encouraged by reading some of the responses on this thread and others on how to help yourself with depression.

There is a lot of information here on this site.

It is hard to know how familya nd friends will react if/when you tell them about your depression. Some people are very understanding while others have trouble understanding.

No matter the reaction you receive from others, it is there own perception of mental health that makes them think the way they do.

A girl friend of mine has never understood my depression, but has been supportive and encouraging. She herself is now in a time of deep depression. She understands depression now. I have the opportunity to be supportive of her and help her as she travels this journey.

I encourage everyone to reach out and tell someone how you are feeling. See the Dr. Share how you are feeling here. Use a phone help line. We never have to feel like we are alone in this!

Wishing you all help and hope for this new year.

Cheers all from Dools