Relationship OCD ?

[Mama1994]

Hi,

I am 24 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. He is my first serious relationship.

He lives in Australia and I come from France. My visa to stay here is expiring in a week. We were planning on leaving the country together and then coming back to start the process for a partnership visa.

We’ve had 10 months of pure happiness. He is the best person I have ever met. Our relationship was so simple and sincere.

Since about a week ago, I started to be very anxious and emotional. I cried every time i looked at him. I was feeling very down. And now I question everything. I have so many doubts about my love for him, even if I was sure he was the one. I wonder if he is the right one, if I really love him, I look at him and ask myself why am I with him. And then I think that if I ever leave him, it will hurt him so much, and I don’t want that. I am just so scared to heart him. I am even scared to make love with him, in case I would think that during this time. I feel like I am avoiding contact, physical contact with him, because I am so scared of what I think.

I feel anxious every time I look at him. I have moments of clarity when i know I love him, but then my thoughts just catch up and bring me down again.

I also don’t have any more joy in life now. Every new day is a struggle. I can’t see my future and it freaks me out a bit.

I feel like my thoughts are irrational. Nothing makes sense as I was so sure about everything before.

My boyfriend is very understanding with my issues and tries his best but I heart him when I tell him I want to leave and leave him behind. Now I have thoughts that I will stay with him so I don’t heart him. It is a vicious circle.

[Croix]

Vous êtes la bienvenue ici, Mama1994.

I can understand all the thoughts and hesitations that are going though your mind. Frankly I would be surprised if you did not have them. Thoughts are not really very logical and come to us in unexpected ways.

If you look at your situation you can see it is a time of great uncertainty and risk.

You have met someone you love, and in fact it is your first time to love. Just about everything in your life is centered on this wonderful relationship and now it must seem at risk. You have to depart - and for you to return there is the uncertainty of getting the permissions you need to become permanent partners here in his home country.

It would be only natural to wonder if all will go smoothly. Will he find it too hard or strange? Will the government (in France if that is where you are gong temporarily) be cooperative? Will the Australian government be cooperative on your return? Will finances last .... I'm sure I do not need to list all the worries.

The way a person worries is, as I said, not always logical, and with all these pressures self-doubt is common, it is a reaction and unjustified. Wanting all the worry to go away makes this self doubt worse and the mind makes up reasons to stop. Those reasons are not real.

There is one great thing. He is accompanying you. You are each there to support the other all the way though this

How does your boyfriend feel? Dos he worry as much as you - what are his worries?

I guess the first thing is talking. You both need to understand how the other feels. As can example if you suddenly stop doing something and he understands it is worry about the future then he can help you deal with it. If you say nothing he may think it is him - do you see what I mean?

The second thing, and I know you do not have much time left to do so, is to see your doctor, explain how all the worry is affecting your life and seen if there is anything that can be temporarily done to ease all these thought.

I would think the doubts will go away when certainty of your future returns, and in the meantime talking, both with your boyfriend, and your family if that is suitable, or a friend, will help. Trying to deal with such important and frightening things alone is hard. There is no perspective, no understanding and all seem confusing.

When overseas would that be a time to introduce him to your family if you have one? To show him about your past life, the places you grew up, the special memories?

Bonne chance!

Croix