Relationship insecurity

[LanaBanana1]

Hi, I'm new here but I would really appreciate some words of wisdom.

About a month ago my boyfriend out of the blue came over to break-up with me. We had never had any fights and our relationship had just been bubbling along as normal so I did not see this coming. We talked and ended up staying together. That night I had dinner with his family and we watched a movie and he acted like nothing had happended earlier that afternoon which is still weird and confusing to me. I asked him about it a few days later and he said he just wanted to forget it happened and I had nothing to worry about. Its been weeks now and I still worry he could do it again. When I say goodbye to him I fall into this deep sadness and I find it hard to carry on with my day. It's like I expect him to leave me at any second so I crave his attention as reassurance. I know this is not healthy but he won't speak to me about how he was feeling on that day. When we're together everything is normal and happy then when he leaves I feel so lost and empty. Even when he came over to break up with me he was hugging me for ages, crying and telling me he loves me so that makes me more confused why he wanted to leave. Was he just having a bad day? I just want to feel secure in my relationship.

I hope that all made sense. Thank you for listening.

[GoodWitch]

Wow LanaBanana, that's tough. It's not surprising you're feeling insecure after that. It's a shame he won't talk to you about what motivated him to break up with you that day, because I think unless you get to the bottom of that your feelings of insecurity won't improve. It's the not knowing 'why'. If you don't know why, how do you know it won't happen again?

What I will say is my guess is this has more to do with your bf than you--what I mean is it doesn't sound like it's anything you've done, so changing your behaviour (by being more pleasant or agreeable or trying overhard to make him happy) isn't necessarily the answer. I don't know if you're doing that, but I hope you know it's important for you to be yourself, and not change in the hopes it will stop this ever happening again.

If you tell your bf how worried you and how what he did is affecting you in detail, do you think he will be more open to discussing his feelings with you? It's not easy to be in a relationship with someone who shuts you out and wants to 'pretend it didn't happen' after they've done something upsetting. It did happen and you can't pretend it didn't, it doesn't work.

I hope this makes sense. Just letting you know I feel for you

GW