relapse into depression-feeling helpless

[huge]

Hey guysI'm new to this forum

I'm 19 year old man. Last year I fell into depression and anxiety for the first time and was completely overcome by it for several months-could not stop worrying, felt worthless, socially incapable, isolated, could not concentrate in the slightest, completely lost interest in everything etc etc I finally got some help-started seeing a psych & started antidepressants, and quite quickly I felt "like myself" again. The next half year or so was probably the best time of my life so far-I felt confident and super motivated and just seemed to be able to get the most out of everything- I started uni and was getting involved with a few clubs there, exercising lots, volunteer tutoring, was happy with my part time job, and enjoying going to parties and catching up with friends everything was great.

A few months ago everything took a turn in the wrong direction again, I can't even really pinpoint what caused it or exactly when it startedbut it took over very quickly. Now again I have no motivation, no confidence, seem to take no pleasure out of anything, I feel so positively low about myself and hopeless. Been put on an increased dosage of the medication I was on-not seeming to help yet (been on increased dosage for three weeks now). I feel completely debilitated, I can't ever focus on anything, can't ever think of anything to say, and even things like running and swimming that, aside from during the worst of times last year, always seemed to be able to lift me up for a bit are just doing nothing for me. I feel constantly exhauseted and like there's no point to it all. Going out to social events has become such an unappealing concept because I really struggle with basic social interactions, and study is so positively daunting because I just can't seem to get focused and get my self interested/get my head around concepts that I know deep down I would usually be interested in.  I really just feel like nothing is helping and feel stuck-any time things feel like they might be improving just a little I slump right back into a very dark state of mind-viewing everything especially myself in a very negative way. I still live with my parents and my current living situation is stable-and objectively really not bad at all. 

Really not sure what to do, I don't know if anyone here has any helpful words? Not even exactly sure what I expected from this but yeah any advice is very much appreciated. Thank you!

[bluebird89]

Hi,

I am new to this also. And similar to you I have been living with depression for several years now. It always seems to come in waves. some weeks I feel like i can function quite  normally, but out of no where I seem to just crash and enter a state where I can't even fathom getting out of bed. And these are the worst times as that's when I am stuck with my own thoughts and too see myself in a very negative way. It is a completely sucky time, and I find a way that helps me is to be around my closest friends, who know me, and can distract me from my own thoughts and help me see a different perspective on things. There's only one or two people whom I feel close enough to do this with but they are my saving grace.

I suppose now we will be able to use this forum as a means of gaining some support. Do you feel comfortable discussing these things with your parents at all?

[Yana8216]

Hi Huge, (cute name btw)
The positive thing for you is that treatment has helped in the past, so most likely it will help in future. Sometimes a change in meds is all that's required, or a fresh therapist.
Like bluebird I feel better when I'm around my close friends, people who I can be honest around. Since I moved out of home my closest friends are my parents and sibling. I don't tell them private stuff, but I can be honest in the sense that I feel free to be grumpy and cynical in their presence. They've come to appreciate my dark sense of humour.

[geoff]

dear Huge, I'd like to welcome you to the forum.

We always ask ourselves 'why', why was I going great guns last week or even yesterday and now it's all turned around, well I have no answer I wish that there was an easy solution.

People do have relapses but I'm not sure how long these should last, mine last normally only a couple of days, but that's by no way a standard rule, because everyone is different, and I feel sorry when suddenly someone falls back into depression, just like all depression it's debilitating.

With an increase in AD's it shouldn't take too long for them to have an effect, because it's already in your system, and I'm not sure that you are still seeing your psych, because people stop going when they feel better, which is understandable, but you have to remember when we have had depression it's always with us, even though you maybe feeling great, because we are susceptible to it's downfalls.

Are you able to continue your appointments with your psych and if it's a psychiatrist then mention your medication and that you aren't feeling any better, otherwise go back to your doctor.

Put a hold on your uni at the moment, if you feel that you won't be able to cope, otherwise it will just go along and you may miss semesters and that's not fair for you. Geoff.