Hi again Grapefruit;
I'm really liking the way this conversation's going. Putting a jigsaw together, you have to try to fit pieces that are similar until the correct one comes along. Tony and Romantic are doing a bang up job of helping you to eliminate the what-if's.
Although causative factors are important, it's the 'belief' that holds power. When my son used to say he didn't want to grow old, we'd talk about it. I think this might've helped him move forward from feelings turning into a 'truth'.
In the movie 'Corrina, Corrina' with Whoopi Goldberg, the little girl saw the Surgeon General's warning on tv about smoking and stole her dad's and Corrina's cigarettes, thinking they'd both perish as her mother did. This is all it takes for a child to form a strong belief that affects the rest of their life.
A good way to pin-point what's behind your fear, is to take notice of your body's reactions to situations or comments for instance. Our bodies are extremely sensitive to triggers and will react before our minds. A flutter in your tummy, an uneasiness in your chest or a sudden change in breathing can alert you.
If you catch these reactions, write down what happened and the feelings from your body in a journal. These changes can be subtle too, so it takes a bit of practise to get the hang of it.
It's like an investigation; each bit of info will gradually create a story. When you get enough information, a memory might come back to you. These moments can be unpleasant, but if you tell yourself it's the past and not to be afraid of it, your analytical mind will do the rest.
I hope this has been helpful. I've uncovered many skewed beliefs from past trauma's this way and am a better person for it. Please let us know how you go...
Kind thoughts;
Sez
