Why am I such a failure in life

[WorldofLoneliness]

Hi every I seriously don't know what to do anymore, I suffer from mental illness for 8 years include OCC, anxiety and social anxiety and I try my best to get therapy and help but for 8 year I have no improve but getting worst, I have no friends to talk to and I try very hard to get friends but they either ignore or don't bother to talk to me up to the point were I don't even bother with friends anymore I probably just don't need them. During year twelve most important year of people live I was suffering alone and with family issue as well I end up with a really bad ATAR I struggle throughout my college day but I figure that university might be different And I heard it great and easy to make friends but I was wrong, thankfully I got into my course but now that I'm doing it I'm struggling bad got no friends to help me I try hard to get the work done but with mental illness and constant therapy session it hard to do it good and I always get bad mark up to the point I even drop a class I spend my lunch break in the Uni stair way eating my lunch by my self and no one bother to talk to me I feel like a failure to my family because my older brother is so successful while I'm such a failure. I don't know what to do anymore I alway try but fail most of the time.

thanks for listening

[white knight]

Hi

Failure at life is a personal reflection of yourself as a person. It is not that you have failed!

A billionaire from being a good businessperson sounds successful right? But that person might not have been a low paid cleaner on the way to work at 4am that sights a depressed person about to scale a bridge to their doom. Saving that person might mean 30 minutes of a hug and chat. THAT IS SUCCESS AS A PERSON.

So a few things for me to suggest. Having lunch in the stairwell. Do you believe someone will come along and see a lonely person there and talk to you? No. It wont happen. Friendships are formed by people that have to strive to "connect" with each other and - be persistent in their effort....not give up. Not feel sorry for yourself.

Finally, "birds of a feather flock together" meaning we have to find friends that are similar to ourselves. Sometimes seeking out the same nationality, sports interest, hobbies, same humour, etc all helps. Join a volleyball club, badminton, table tennis, tennis, slot car racing...be productive and you will slowly grow a friends base.

Google this please - Topic- the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear WorldofLoneliness~

I read you other thread and can see what a difficult time you have been happening. As someone who has anxiety too I find one of the things that really is misleading is to judge by everyday standards. If you do that you do end up thinking your are not as successful, or have less abilities, or are generally failing.

Then a person is ill or has a disability of any sort it is only reasonable to take it into account, anything else would be unfair. As an example to get up in the morning might seem to most people to be the sort of thing you do without realy even thinking about it. To someone with anxiety or depression the same action may only come after a great deal of mental anguish, they have had to fight hopelessness, fear, and many other highly negative thoughts before they actually step out of bed.

For them getting up is a victory and should be acknowledged as such. Do you see what I'm saying? In your case study, trying to socialize and all the other things you think you are bad at have been done with the weight of your illness holding you back.

So what do you do? I guess this calls for your judgment. There is such a thing as setting yourself up for failure. If you take on tasks that are impossible you will not succeed and that will bring down on you all the familiar feelings of having failed. The other end of the scale of course is to retreat from anything that looks even moderately hard and do nothing, that too will bring feelings of failure. So you need to chart a course by selecting the things that you can do.

Perhaps you have too many units at uni to cope with under the circumstances. If so go see the Uni Disability Services and see what can be done. They are confidential and can help with no penalty withdrawals. Eat lunch in a comfortable place you enjoy, never mind about others. If there is a park or similar go there. Don't punish yourself by eating in a constant stream of others on a stair. Get out where you are reminded of the world.

Try to set yourself tasks in stages, a bit at a time. One assignment, one visit to the shops and so on. Then you can congratulate yourself on successes. See your lecturer and tutor for academic help.

If, as in your other thread, you wish to get to know someone be direct and see what happens. The sort of people I think you will relate to best are the ones that are honest and don't need games.

I've said a lot here, so what do you think?

Croix