Pathological lying and it's really starting to affect my life and my family relations

[Charlienotmyname]

Throughout my entire life, I have lied about all kinds of things, usually really minor things that shouldn't matter, but for whatever reason, I did it anyway. My parents always told me that if I told the truth, I might get into trouble, but that it would often be much worse if I lied about it.
For whatever reason, that never stuck in my brain.
As things stand, I made a dumb decision at my work, and as a result I was terminated.
I went home and told my parents an elaborate lie about the reasons why.
I felt bad about what I had done to lost my job, in fact I felt bad and regretted it while I was doing it, but I didn't stop.
I felt bad about lying to my parents, but I didn't stop.
A colleague from work actually contacted my parents to inform them of the situation, and they confronted me about it.
They're understandably really upset and disappointed, and I understand why.

I just don't know why I keep lying about things. They used to be trivial things, but now I have lies going on about important things; like, am I going to university, I tell my parents that I am, but in reality I am not.

I feel like them confronting me about my job has made me realize that I need help, but I have no idea where to start or how to fix things with my family.
They've outright said that they don't trust or respect me anymore, which is fair, if not harsh.
I've put them through so much over the years and I just don't know what to do or how they'll respond.

Simply put, help...

[james1]

Hey Charlie (not sure what to call you, but we can go with Charlie if that's alright?)

It's great that you're acknowledging that the lying is problematic. It's a difficult habit to break and I imagine causes you a fair bit of pain as well, especially since you don't know much about it.

Have you considered having a quick chat to a counsellor about it? Lying is often a way for us to escape a fear we have and a counsellor could help you unpack that to help identify that to start with.

Lying is actually one of my symptoms of something else which my psychologist is trying to help me with. I still do it and it gets confusing because I have so many lies around that I forget what is real and what is not. But like you, I realised it was a problem when things started to fall apart so it's been good in my case to get some help with it.

James

[SubduedBlues]

Hey there Charlie

When I was in the military, it was always fun to tell "war stories". Problem was, people often retold other people's stories as though they were their own; and that can cost you your integrity. One trick I learned to do, was if ever I was retelling another persons story was to ensure that in the end, I died.

What I am saying, is that whenever you catch yourself telling a lie, exaggerate excessively to the point that even you don't believe it possible. Smile and close with saying "the end". Hearing those two words, people think "wait, this is a fictional story, and here I thought it was real" and they blame themselves for allowing themselves to think that way ... instead of blaming you for misleading them.

After a while, people need to ask if you are telling a story or if it really happened. This is when you can be honest, or not. The former may help you regain the trust you've lost; and the latter will guarantee that they never trust you again.

There is nothing wrong with telling stories, provided that you are not telling those stories with the intent to mislead someone. If you are doing it for your entertainment, let it also be their entertainment. And make sure they know it is just entertainment.

On the other hand, if you are lying because you don't like the life you live, start living the life you want. Do, what is in those stories you tell. Act like you want people to think you act. Be, who you dream of being.

Or if you are lying to cover up a misdeed... well whenever I err, I am always the first person to tell people that I erred. Sometimes I tell them how I plan to fix it, and other times I ask for advice. And if I am the person who tells of when I did wrong, then people don't (even though they can) hold it against me.

That's my 2c
SB