Overwhelming anger

[Lonegirl]

Hey,
I am a 14 year old girl. I used to be level headed and in control but now i can't. I will get angry over little things and not talk to someone for hours at a time. Or i would get really upset and burst out crying and screaming at everyone. Everyone says that i overeat too much and they find it very annoying. My mum told me that she has noticed this behavior going on for a few months now. While writing this i am very mad at my mum. My cousin has been doing drugs for a few years now and recently my mum has taken him as if he was her own. She is forgetting about me and forgetting i have feelings too, i just want to be loved by her. Today she gave him our couches (that i have had since i was a baby) without me even knowing because my parents said i could use them for an outside area and then they also brought a new couch that i hate more than anything without me even knowing either and a stereo i used on a daily basis. She also have him a phone, the xbox, money and many other things. She says that she wants the best for him and he needs to start learning how to work his money but why does she keep giving him stuff, my stuff, stuff i grew up with and that i am apart of without my consent nor approval. Once he left i broke into a huge rage and am now completely ignoring my mum for the last 3 hours. I was so angry that i took out a ruler and stabbed a pen into it multiple times and broke into tears, after that i spent an hour writing a persuasive essay about how mad i was at her and him. She keeps pretending she is the victim saying "when will you stop being angry" but that makes it so much worst. I do not share my feelings and never talk about them to people i know, so i never tell my parents or my friends anything.

[MsPurple]

Hi Lonegirl

It sounds like you have two concerns. Your anger and your resentment to how your mum treats your cousin. For your cousin I think you should have a sit down with your mum. Write a few notes on a peace of paper on your concerns on her purchases for him, how your are concerned she is contradicting her intentions for him (helping him out with stuff but also wanting him to learn how to use money), how you may have some jealously and how you feel she is not treating you in the same light. Ask her to not interupt while you tell her how you feel. Then you let her tell her how she feels without interupting. It helps open communication. It will also allow you to understand her thought process. I don't think she is doing it to neglect you or with ill intent (and I think you know this too) but it can still be hurtful for your feelings. I think with the couch your mum may have just wanted a new couch and may not have considered it an issue. Change can be hard to get used to. I'm sure it will be better with more time.

Now with your anger I have a few questions. Is it during a certain time? I find that at different times in my cycle I would get more angry and as my mum would say 'touchy'. I was told I had PMS (which has been confirmed). I am not a professional but it is something maybe you could think about. Maybe put down on a calandar days you feel more angry (in general) then others. You may see a pattern. Either way whether it is PMS or something else (I am not a dr so can't say) it sounds like it is distressing you and putting a strain on your relationship with your mum. I suggest maybe it is something you can talk about with your mum. You can also talk about it with a GP but it would be better if your mum could come to help explain it from an outside perspective, also you need a parent to be present at a dr appointment (or at least take you to dr) till you are 16. The doctor and mum can help you from there if needed. It could be just something you talk to your mum about and your anger may reduce through adequate communication. I would just keep it in check as you don't want to waste life being angry when you have so much life to keep living.

Hope this advice helps. Let me know if you have any other questions or queries.

Also a reference site to go on for youth issues www.youthbeyondblue.com/

[TBella]

Hi Lonegirl

I am so glad you shared your story here on this forum.

I really feel your pain & understand your anger. I went through a similar situation when I was 14. Actually to be honest I am still dealing with it in my 40s

My parents spilt when I was 14 & I was caught in the middle of their anger at each other.

My sister ran away a few times & had fights all the time. Breaking my mums heart many times. I was left to pick up the pieces everytime & I become the parent looking after my mum- carrying her emotionally. Then my mum & sister would make a mends & I would become invisible, not exist until the next time my sister broke mums heart. My sister would get everything.

My soul was shattered & in desperate need of some emotional validation & nurturing. I'd even settle for just being acknowledged.

It still happens even just a few hours ago I got off phone to my mum- the conversation was all about my sister & how hard it is for her to be on her own since she broke up with her boyfriend. Never mind that the past 5 years I've struggled to deal with PTSD & 7 other medical conditions with no support from family & lost all my friends. Totally alone.

so believe me I know how heartbreaking, soul destroying, painful it can feel to not be acknowledged or listened to by family. And I understand why you're so angry. I also understand why you don't feel like you can talk to family but for your own health & wellbeing you need someone safe to talk to.

Do you have a school counsellor you could talk to they maybe able to give you some info on free counselors. You really need someone to talk to. It's important you feel heard.

You matter, your feelings are important. You're worth it. Something that helped me as a teenager was to journal- write how I was feeling & I wrote poems & songs & felt free to be me when I sing.

I don't know if singing or music is your thing, maybe it's art. Find an outlet that allows you to express yourself & just be wonderful you! Coz you're worth it.

I'm here to listen anytime, i just might not be able to reply straight away but I will reply as soon as I can. Most likely at night is when I'm on here!

I hope this has helped in some small way.

kind regards

TBella

[Lonegirl]

Thank you so much, yes it has really helped. Thanks for also offering a helping hand, i might use the offer sometime.

-J

[Lonegirl]

Hello, thanks for the reply!
I have put together in the past that i do get PMS. I have also realised that i am due in a week from today but sometimes i do feel angry on other days. I will start documenting days and will let you know on the progress, than you.

-J

[TBella]

You're most welcome & take me up on the offer any time 😊

X TBella

[LaylaBear15]

I am 14 too and and I am physically and verbally violent. I know how you feel and its sucks, so so much.

-From 1 teen girl to another xxx

[MsPurple]

Glad I could help. How is it going? Has it helped keeping a diary with dates and mood. I just had the same thing happen to me recently then Aunty Flow came and I was like 'Oh that explains a lot'. I was early so didn't think that caused it. I have an app on my phone called clue. It is a period tracker but it also has a section for mood as well. It is free and it is pretty good. Also helps you know when you are roughly due.