Opening up

[Lori]

How did you tell your friends and family that you have and are living with mental illnesses?

What was their reaction ?

[white knight]

Hi Lori, welcome and a darn good question.

Consider this (my figures through experience) 80% of people do not understand mental illness nor give enough effort to. 10% of people have some idea, are willing to understand and are kind enough to show compassion and treat it seriously, 10% either have had mental illness in their lifetime or have one.

So, dont expect too much from your family. Their lack of ability to support and understand does not mean they dont love you. But they might not have the capacity to reach out.

All this is particularly important when you are down, depressed anxious or other bad time. It is then you might pick up the phone and tell someone. Be prepared for the "oh, you'll snap out of it in a day or two" or "yes, I'm feeling a bit depressed also...I got an extra bill in the mail today"

I'm lucky, my wife has depression also, we support each other when we are down. When both of us are down we have struggles but that doesnt happen very often.

If you have great need to talk to others then group therapy might be one road to pursue.

Hope I've been realistic enough. Tony WK

[Narniakid]

Hi Lori!

I didn't realise I had depression until my mother explained my own behaviour to me, and the difference in it, and she suggested I see a psychologist. She's been nothing but supportive and patient ever since, as have my family.

I remember telling my friends that I'd started seeing a psychologist, and they didn't really question it, which I appreciated, because at the time, I was really scared to open up. 

It's been years now and the people I am surrounded with are pretty aware of my condition, and are nothing but supportive. If I have to cancel on an event because of an anxiety attack, they don't get mad. If I need a day to myself just to read a book or something, they understand. I think discussing my mental illness with them so often and so casually made it easier to deal with and accept, not only for me, but for my friends and family as well. 

Opening up is scary, but afterwards, you wonder why you were scared - if you're friends and family truly love you and support you, they're not going to think anything less of you for dealing with a mental illness. Luckily, thanks to the help of BB, in this current day and age, mental illness isn't such a scary thing in our society - it's accepted and it's common, and there's so much support available.

Stay strong and chin up!

Crystal

[geoff]

dear Lori, hi and thanks for joining us.

Well this IS a good question, and for me, well my Dad was a doctor back then, and thought that I was just kidding and putting it on, so none of my was then told, except for my twin, who my wife (ex) rang and told him, so then he told the rest of my family.

Another brother had then told Dad that I was in deep depression and suffering and for him to organise me to see a psychiatrist, who I only saw once, simply because he was only cool in his approach and did not realise that someone who was suffering badly.

I disappeared off the seen for 15 years or more, so when I recovered people would say 'where have you been all this time', and told them I had a breakdown.

I realise that you are suffering yourself, but can I suggest that you click onto Resources' at the top of this page, I just want you to order 'All the Printed Material', which is free from BB but what this booklet does is explain all types of depression and is very informative.

I only say this because I'm not sure what support you are getting at the moment, and please I'm not suggesting that you don't know what you are suffering from, I'm sure you do, but this booklet is really excellent.

It will also explain what you can do, like seeing your doctor, and with regards to your family and friends, is there one person in each of these that you feel comfortable talking to, only if they are really really interested, just open up a little bit.

Please I hope that you can get back to us, so we can continue your discussion. Geoff.

[ashleighc]

Hi Lori,

I have been dealing with depression for over 6 years now, I was hesitant to tell my family because they used to get quite angry with my behaviour and just thought I was really lazy. I eventually sat my mum down and spoke to her about my diagnosis and experiences, she has been really supportive about it as she has also been through a similar experience when she was married to my dad (they have been divorced for almost 10 years now). Approaching my dad was very different.. I started with the same approach, sat him down to talk about it. His response was quite different though, he doesn’t believe in depression, or mental illness at all. You will get this response sometimes – from very closed minded people who still deny its existence. You can’t let this bother you though, everyone is entitled to their opinion all we can do is be open and honest and try to raise awareness about mental illness.  

My friends have all been extremely supportive. Some don’t understand it, some suffer from the same challenges. It is important to be open and honest about your illness for your benefit and those around you 🙂

Hope this helps,

 ashleigh xx 

[morgs29]

Hi Lori,

It took me a few years to tell the most significant people in my life about my diagnosis of anxiety & depression. Most people have taken it really well and are supportive of what I go through. There are also people who really want to understand, but have a harder time trying to comprehend what I go through, like my immediate family - and that's okay. I have found the most important thing is to find people who truly understand or want to understand what I go through, who care about me and want to see me happy. 

I have also found it so important to find a professional who 'gets me'. I was very lucky to have the first psychologist I was referred to be amazing for me, and I worked with her for 4 years. 

You are going to get a lot of different reactions, but I think what is most important is that you are clear about what you want and identify who are the best people that can support you. Letting people know how they can help you is also a really encouraging thing to do, as it helps them understand what they can do more clearly.

Best of luck and make sure you look over the resources on this website, I have personally found them really helpful!

Morgan

[Tizlak]

Hi Lori,

Opening up to tell anyone about living with mental illnesses is one of the hardest things to do, but just like many other difficult things it is very rewarding in the end. To this day i have not been able to put a brave face on and tell everyone I know but slowly over the course of 17 months i have been telling more and more people and just trying less and less to hide my mental issues from society.

Firstly you need to remember that there is nothing to be ashamed of, what i quickly realized was a lot of the time when i told a friend I had depression the immediate response, was along the lines of "you should've told me earlier, so do I". Otherwise the reactions I obtained from friends were usually empathetic friends who didn't understand what i was going through but would do anything to help and also friends who were genuinely shocked "Telling me nah your kidding mate, you're never down etc" until i tell them a few times and they realise i'm not kidding and then again empathetic and willing to help.

After telling one friend it gets a little easier each time to tell a friend but it still isn't quite easy, even thinking about it makes me feel butterflies in the stomach but also a feel of empowerment and courage too.I think family is a bit different though, I have not been able to tell a lot of my family members as i have been a bit frightened and also felt that as of right now i am quite happy and don't feel the need to tell them. I did however tell my sister as i am quite close with her and she didnt say much about it, but i did catch her crying and she told me she was sorry she couldnt have been there for me (as she moved out when I was struggling the hardest), after that she was very supportive but I didn't feel the need to tell any other family members but for you it might be quite different.

But I think that for me personally anyway the best way to approach a friend is to just jump in the deep end and tell them about your issues, don't be too afraid because your friends will be there to listen and help you. And also the perfect time to tell them may never come up so if you want to tell them don't be afraid to change the topic as they will understand and will be there to help.Hope it helped and all the best :)-Tizlak