Hello and welcome to the forum.
I am very sorry that you are unwell and experiencing OCD. My daughter also lives with OCD and I have supported her for over a decade, so I understand your struggles.
Exposure therapy is very hard and panic attacks can be terrifying, so please don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure you are doing the very best you can and I encourage you to persist.
I’ve learned that it’s helpful to celebrate your wins, rest when you need to and accept that healing isn’t linear—it’s okay and expected to have setbacks. The important thing is to try again when you’re ready.
Medication can bring some OCD symptom relief and make this healing process easier. There are also “emergency” medications that you can take to deal with panic attacks. (My daughter does this.) You don’t have to suffer needlessly.
If you are not taking any medication, is this something you would consider? If you are taking medication, then I’d like to suggest a review with a psychiatrist. It can get better.
I’m confident that your mum loves you, but I suspect she is likely frustrated because she just wants you to get better and she may not understand how hard this is for you. Perhaps you could help to educate her?
You could choose to invite your mum to sit in on the last ten minutes of your sessions with your psychologist. That way she could know what you are working on and how best to support you. Or you could permit your mother to speak with your psychologist herself. This way she could ask questions and learn more about what you are going through.
It took time for my husband and I to really understand OCD and learn how best to support our girl. In fact, in addition to both of the above mentioned suggestions we went to family counseling to learn.
Lastly, I want you to know that from our experience exposure response prevention therapy works. I believe that you can get better and that you will with time and persistence. Hang in there.
Please post anytime.
Kind thoughts to you
