Not sure what to do

[gy96]

I'm 21.

I've never been properly diagnosed with depression or anxiety, but I'm pretty sure I suffer from both. When I was younger I tried to ignore the fact that I could have depression or anxiety so I never saw a professional. After a long trip from being away from my family and then coming back I knew I had to get my life sorted out and began going to a different GP than my family one. At first I started with any health concerns I had. I never paid attention to any health issues I had. I wanted to avoid them...but I did mention how down I felt, how I couldn't sleep regularly since coming back from my trip. How I wanted to give up my casual job because I was bad at it.

I'm now going to a psychologist but I've only been there once. I've never been to a psychologist so I'm not sure what to expect. I just have no clue where to start anymore.

I'm at a complete loss. Health issues whether mental or not are so scary. I can't sleep at night. I need to sleep with someone nowadays. I feel pathetic, useless, helpless.

[Zeal]

Hey gy96,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm glad you've come to the forum for support, and that you've started seeing a psychologist. It took courage for you to work through the avoidance of painful mental health issues, and to see a new GP and a psychologist.
So good on you for persisting with this. It may not feel like an achievement, but I think it can be seen that way.

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling to sleep, and that you're feeling strong negative emotions toward yourself. Anxiety and depression heavily impact many aspects of people's lives (though it's different for each individual of course). Mindfulness related to self-compassion has been helpful for me. This link will take you to a free audio session, If you'd like to explore this: https://www.livingwell.org.au/mindfulness-exercises-3/10-compassion-mindfulness/

Do you know yet what you'll do about your job?

I hope your psychologist appointments are helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi gy96,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

I'm really glad that you're here and that you've told your GP about what's going on. It sounds like you've been dealing with this for a while so I'm glad that you decided to reach out and talk to someone.

How did your first appointment go? Seeing a psychologist can be pretty daunting so it's okay to not really know what to expect. Every psychologist has a bit of a different approach but from my own experiences they generally want to spend a little while getting to know you first and what your life is like, and how you struggle with these things - and then once they do that they can start giving you some advice/support (like helping to change some of those beliefs about yourself).

In your post you said you are pathetic, useless and helpless. This is not true. I don't know anybody who is pathetic and you're not going to be the first. If you were 'useless' and 'helpless' then you wouldn't be here today and you wouldn't have talked to your GP about what's going on. I get why you feel this way and I've felt this way too, but it's just not true. You can get through this and we'll be here for you.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi gy96, sorry to hear you've been struggling. I've been there and it's tough. How are the psychologist visits going? It's really important to feel a connection with your psych, so give it a few appointments and see how you go. In my experience they've really helped with a whole range of issues, but sometimes you do need to "shop around" so to speak in order to find one you click with. Even though I know you may feel pathetic/useless etc (a very normal part of depression and anxiety) I want you to know you are neither of those things. You will get through this and asking for help is courageous and amazing. Keep going, it will get easier and you deserve to be here and to be happy and to live a good life. I'd love you to download the app Booster Buddy, I found it just as helpful if not more helpful than a psychologist in the managing of depression/anxiety/difficult feelings. J.

[gy96]

Hey guys,

thank you so much for all your replies. Things were definitely getting a bit better, and I decided to hold back on my response to the thread until I went to my next visit. I went for my second visit to my psychologist yesterday, and honestly I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it.

I would like to believe that I deserve to be happy and deserve a lot more but I feel like I'm just completely unlucky with everything in terms of social aspects, job aspects, talents, just anything.

Nothing really seems to be working for me at this stage.

Sorry for the very depressing reply guys.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi gy96,

Thanks for your post.

First off I just wanted to say that any reply is a good reply; we are here for you whether you're in a good mood or a bad mood.

Do you want to talk to us about what's been happening at the appointment? What has he/she said?

I can relate to the feeling of feeling completely unlucky at life, but it's good that you want to get to that place where you deserve to be happy. What else is there? I know that sounds like a weird question but holding onto that feeling of 'deserving more' can be helpful. What does your life look like?

and what does your life look like now? Are you working or studying? What does a day look like for you?

[gy96]

Hi romantic,

Thank you for understanding. It's nice to see such a loving and caring community established here on these forums.

My psychologist is really nice, but she's mainly just listening. I suppose it makes sense, that's their job - to aid you, guide you, give you advice; but everything else is just you yourself going out there and fixing things little by little with help from your peers whether that be friends, family, or a specialist.
I mean I didn't expect going to a psychologist to solve all my problems, but honestly it feels pretty pointless. I know what I have to do but it's just really hard to get out there and do it. It's also very hard to book appointments with this specific psychologist because they only come in once a week, so my next appointment is in 3 weeks. Waiting for that is pretty daunting honestly.

I'm a student, but I've currently deferred the next two semesters because I really couldn't keep forcing myself to go to University and just fail every single course. So for now I'm just working casual at a retail job. I've been working in my retail job for almost 3 years now, and I absolutely hate it. However I need to keep earning money for my family and myself to keep surviving, which is also why going to a specialist was a really hard decision for me at first.
I don't do much other than hang out with my boyfriend when he's free, do chores around the house, go to work...
I want to change my University course but I'm not sure what to; and honestly even if I change I don't think I'll be able to get a degree. I'm not that intelligent.

I've been trying to eat more healthy, go for walks, do more exercise and not stare at the computer screen all the time though which is something I've always struggled with.

I don't know haha. Not really sure where to go, or what to do at the moment...at a complete loss.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi gy96,

Thanks for your post.

I'm so glad you feel that way; you're always welcome here.

There's been a few things that you've brought up in your post so I'm going to try and talk about them bit by bit - so sorry in advance if I've skipped over something you've said!

It sounds like seeing the psychologist is the biggest priority and concern for you right now. You are right in what you said; it is their job to listen and be there for you but at the end of the day we do have to do the hard work ourselves. You said 'you know what you have to do but it's hard to do it'. What are you referring to? Depending on what it is you have to do, sometimes it can help to try and break that down into smaller steps - so when someone has anxiety and going to the grocery store is too overwhelming, they might just start by leaving the house and then coming back inside. All the little steps (even if they seem tiny) do add up. It's also okay to bring this stuff up with your psychologist; she won't know how you're feeling if you don't tell her. Everyone has a different approach.

Have you been failing courses so far? What are you studying, and what were you thinking of changing your course to? You are intelligent, and you can complete University. Honestly I think that it comes down to passion and commitment. The things that may seem daunting (like exams or reports) you can do, it just takes time. There are lots of people who are in the same boat of feeling like they're not intelligent enough to do University, and they can do it too.

Have you considered seeing if your University has a counsellor or support service? A lot of places do, and it might be a great way to get some help for in-between appointments with the psychologist. Having that gap between appointments is hard, but finding outlets and things that can help may tie you over a little bit more easily. Even if it's self-help-y like journalling, reading or being creative.

One of the things that my psychologist suggested, and it might help you too - is a daily mood and activity tracker. The idea is that you write down what you're doing during the day and score your mood, even the little things. This can be helpful because then you can start to look at things you can control and modify what you're doing too boost your mood - http://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/weekly-mood-chart.pdf

Even though there might be things you can't control now (like working) you can control how you're feeling.