I can't hold down a job... (BPD? ASD?)

[ashleighhh97]

I'm 19 years old, I've been in the workforce since I was 15, and so far I've had four jobs, all with considerable spaces between them. My first job was at a supermarket and I basically got bullied out of there after five months. The second and longest job I had was McDonald's from March 2015 to June 2016, but I barely worked the last six months because they'd keep rostering me on when I was at uni, and I ended up getting fired because they thought I was stealing money from the registers (a couple months ago they found out who it actually was and they didn't even apologize at all, I found out from my brother who's friend worked with me there). Then I worked as a bartender at a bar/hotel which I got fired from over email because they found someone to take my place (WTF?!). Now I'm in retail and my employment just got suspended because I cancel too many shifts, but I have lupus (I get treatment on Wednesdays) and I'm appealing my driver's license suspension (the suspension started five months after an inpatient treatment at a psychiatric hospital, and it's gonna continue until I'm 'cured', nothing like that has ever happened before, and nothing has ever happened since), I tell them not to put me on specific days but they do. I have high functioning autism, BPD, depression, and anxiety. Am I just not noticing what I'm doing wrong? I don't see anything wrong with myself or employers apart from what I've just listed. I do my very best, I always take shifts when they need me too unless I'm in hospital. Anyone else had similar experiences?

[CaesarJ]

I'm 19 too and have had a lot of troubles with jobs. I have BPD, too. In my experience, places don't want to bother with understanding health and mental health conditions. If you show you're slightly unstable, they just move on to someone else.

I don't think it's your fault. Like I've seen people who do a lot worse than cancel shifts keep their jobs. It's all about how people see people who are sick.

I wish you all the best!

[Dr_Kim]

It is super frustrating to feel like you are trying and yet the world keeps pushing you back down . I really admire the way that you keep going in and getting the next job even though you have bad experiences - that shows some resilience, which is a wonderful character trait.

However , in writing this letter I feel you are willing to ask the hard questions of yourself and see what you might be able to do better in the future so that you don't have to be fired and have to use that resilience of your as its hard work and kind of depressing.

So maybe it is worthwhile also thinking about your poor work place experiences not from the angle of what could your work places have done differently but what, if anything, could you have put in place to ensure that you are firstly more valued but at least more protected. 

You say " I don't see anything wrong with myself " but I wonder if your ASD or BPD may be affecting  some of your ability to be self reflective . We all can use a time where we look at ourselves and access our strengths and weaknesses in a work place. In fact many work places make “performance review” compulsory.  It's super hard to analyse yourself but maybe with a trusted counsellor you might be able to explore this.

Also I'm not sure if you are aware of the DBT or Dialectical Behavioural Programme for BPD . It might be worthwhile looking at .. check with your GP for a referral if you think it might be worth while thinking about as it can help those with this issue to be their best selves.

It sounds like things have been really hard for you with the lupus and the inpatient stay at the psychiatry ward etc and it may not be the right time for this self exploring for you. 

However , there is old wisdom that I sometimes rely on that goes something like " You can't change the way others think and behave but you can change the way you think and behave " . So maybe it's better to put energy in that place ?