Hey my names James I'm 22.
My dad left the country when I was 3 and my mum became depressed and still is. as a kid I was kind of anxious all the time. always had belly aches and trouble falling asleep as well as nightmares every night. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about 5 years ago after a close friend died.
i was quite depressed for a few months after he died but at some point I started to feel better than I ever had in my life. I finally felt like I could be my self and I was full of confidence. I was making everyone laugh. My social anxiety was a lot lower I felt like I could hold a conversation with anybody.
That lasted about 3 months and I slowly started getting depressed again. I began losing all confidence in myself and was so ashamed of what was happening to me (not being able to interact with any of my family or friends) that I decided it was best to isolate myself until I got better.
i ended up spending about 2 years lying in my bed watching movies and playing video games going days or weeks at a time with no human interaction at all and avoiding leaving the house at all costs. during this time me concentration and memory were pretty much gone.
i moved houses and started to make an effort to see friends and get outside even though it felt uncomfortable.
I tried drugs and it was the first time if felt normal and happy in years if not in my life and I started to abuse it a long with other drugs for a couple of years.
i ended up seeing a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar and psychosis Because of my constant racing/repeating thoughts that usually make little to no sense or end up just like static in my head. I was on medication for a couple of years and apart from helping me sleep i couldn't notice a difference in the way I was thinking
But I never had the mood swings. Apart from 3 months 5 years ago where I was happier and more confident. I never have mania or even feel happy I'm always depressed.
How can it be bipolar if you're never high?
