Hi Aphreal and welcome.
For a start these forums tend to have people online at all hours so please join in wherever it feels right if you need to be distracted at night. Same with the helplines... Many are 24/7 so if you need company please reach out.
Are you receiving any treatment or medical support? If there is underlying trauma it is healthier to seek treatment and therapy than to move on from a relationship to escape it. I did that and the mental illness just follows you.
What sort of things help you to feel safe at night? My husband has been a shift worker for most of his worklife and the nights are difficult with anxiety. He organised steel security screens made for all our doors and windows, a locked external gate, roller shutter on the bedroom window and a German Shepherd with access to all sides of our home. Everyone found it ridiculous and I was ashamed to admit it eas done for me. So I could sleep.
Granted I left lights on in the house too and sometimes still had nights where I would listen to music until the sun rose knowing I couldn't close my eyes. But it did help.
What helped more was medication and treatment. I didn't realise how badly I experienced anxiety and fear until the antidepressants began to work. It has allowed me to see how unusual it was to NEED this level of saftey now that I don't feel so unsafe.
Until you can access medical support have you considered talking to your partner about the roster? Is it possible to organise shift swaps to day shifts for even some days until you get some support?
Having a pet I found helps too. You feel a lot less alone. Plus if you are a dog person they can be fabulous guardians and a huge comfort.
I hope you keep writing and that you find a way to manage the hurt from trauma you experienced.
Nat
