My daughter has very low self esteem and depression

[Frankie1962]

Hi my daughter is 24 years old, she has very low self esteem, she’s beautiful, loving, generous, she got a degree, she works, she has what most would think is a good like. But she has severe low self esteem when it comes to friends and relationships. She performs very well at work, she thinks people won’t and don’t like her, don’t want to be her friend, won’t want to get to know her, she thinks they will think she’s boring, has nothing interesting to say, she doesn’t want to try and be friends with anyone because they won’t like her, will let her down.

She has 3 friends from school but states that if she doesn’t imitate contact with them they will never see her, she does not have a partner and never has for this exact same reason. She states that she doesn’t like herself, she thinks she boring and has nothing to contribute so why would anyone else like her.

I have dried to reason this with her which makes it only worse, I cannot get her to join anything or try and meet or make new friends, be cause she is so scared of the rejection. I have no idea how to help her, she is so clever yet she cannot see that this is only what she sees. When she is with people she turns the attention onto them all the time and wants to give nothing of herself as NO one will be interested. As her mother I’m having a real problem working through this in my own head and helping her without saying things that will only make it worse.

can anyone help me?

[Rabbit33]

Hi Frankie,

Thanks for reaching out. Sounds like your daughter is really hard on herself. There may be an underlining issue, Has she ever seen a therapist or would she be open to seeing one?
I think speaking to someone would really benefit her and help her understand why she is having these negative thoughts. At the end of the day, everyone deserves to be happy and everyone needs people to talk to.
Maybe if she kept a journal and wrote down all her feelings, it may help her throughout therapy.
Low-self esteem is a tricky and complex issue to overcome but with the right support, she'll get there.

It's amazing what you're doing, continue being a support chain for her, even if she isn't engaging. Overtime she will, and deep down, she knows you're there and how much you care and that is huge!

[Frankie1962]

Thank you for your words of support. She sees a psychologist and she is currently changing from one antidepressant to another,.

Im also trying to get her to join support groups like this one or even groups that she can actually go to, it’s just so hard for me to find info. I think if she did something to help others in a way she would also be helping herself, she is just very reluctant to talk to anyone about her depression as she states her life revolves around it and talking about it to others would be too draining.

😕

[quirkywords]

Frankie

Welcome to the forum and thanks for starting this thread.

What a supportive mum you are.

I can relate to not wanting to talk about her depression as she feels her life already revolves around it and talking to others would be very draining.

I have bipolar and for years I was ashamed and was too embarrassed to others and I thought talking about it to others would make me feel worse. Now this took a long time but about ten years ago I started giving talks to community groups and now I come here to the forum. I think we need to know our boundaries and if talking about something very painful to others will upset us, it maybe better not to. I have found by reading and hearing about others experiences it helps me makes sense of my experience.

As One mum to another, I know that if I suggest something to my children they may reject it but if someone else mentions it they may think about. One friend of mine tried to get her son to seek help and he resisted until a friend came along and suggested he go to a doctor.

Does your daughter like writing, taking photographs, art and does she use social media much. ?

Thanks for sharing your story.

Quirky

[sunny]

what a great mum you are support helps. I think your daughter is amazing she has achieved so much despite her low self esteem. i am happy she is going to see a psych that will help.

i have low self esteem and don't have mane friends because of fear of getting hurt and looking stupid as i have cp and people stare sat me but i learn not to worry it still hurts but i say to myself in a few minutes they will forget

as for employment i have been to scared as most times i apply and fail because of lack of experience despite the fact i have a degree

maybe suggest your daughter join the beyond blue site and release her feelings and release that she is not alone

best of luck things will change

Ros