Mixed feelings about social interactions

[IsolatedStudent]

Hi all,

I'm a First Year University student and, as the title suggests, feel confused about my social interactions.

I know there are people who describe themselves as either an extrovert or an introvert, but I have no idea.

I feel completely fine being in a solitary environment, but when I see people I recognise hanging out with their own group of friends, I feel a small pang of jealousy for not being a part of that.

Some days I feel like I can talk to anyone, while others I just feel like hiding in my room.

I also find that my mood is heavily affected by my social interactions. Although I said earlier that I'm fine in solitude, sometimes I get a sudden sense of loneliness and just long for social interactions. However, depending on how that interaction goes, it can either make or break my day.

If I think a social interaction went well, I'd be happy for the rest of the day. If not, then vice versa.

I just feel so confused right now! What's wrong with me?? I feel so abnormal about this simple concept.

Sorry if this seemed like a rant. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[MsPurple]

Hi IsolatedStudent and welcome to the forums

I completely understand how you feel. Some days I want to be alone but not be alone. I want to know someone cares. I know what you mean and even I find it hard to explain. I know what you mean about having a negative interation affecting your day. I find I have more of the 'depression' negative self talk if I have a poor interaction.

I'm not a professional. Some of what you're saying kinda sounds likes aspects of social anxiety (not saying you have it). I have some aspects of social anxiety but I do not have social anxiety disorder.

I am wondering if you have ever discussed your feeling of loneliness to a professional? I suggest giving it a go. I know it's confusing to explain but many doctors know what you mean as they have the experience, I suggest booking an appointment with a gp who has a special interest in mental health. At university they have services they can suggest. Maybe look into that. Your lectures do not have to know you access these services. I found it really beneficial for myself. I also used headspace, which is a youth mental health service that is free. I found they were closely associated with my uni and located close which helped.

One thing I can suggest in the mean time is positive self talk. I found this really difficult to do. If I had a bad interaction my negative voice would tell myself terrible things. I'd try work on identifying this and trying to say possitive things like 'you are not hopeless, your friend probably didn't answer the phone cause they were busy'.

I also suggest giving meditation a go. I had to do it 10mins a day for a week to finally see the benefits. I found it really helpful. I use the app called 'calm' it was free and I did stuff like positive self talk etc.

I hope this was helpful. It can be hard putting yourself out there and trying to get comfortable with interacting with new people. You need to be proud you are trying to do so

[IsolatedStudent]

Hi MsPurple

Thanks for the reply! Lately I do feel as though I experience some sort of social anxiety.

Usually it's a high sense of nervousness before a social event. But if things go well during the event, I loosen up completely and am able to have fun.

I totally understand what you said about the 'depression' negative self talk. I am definitely guilty of this.

I don't find it too difficult to talk to new people. However, the thing I fear the most is talking to someone, and still not being included in their group. I feel as though people don't seek me out for follow-up conversations the next time we meet which leaves me feeling disappointed in my social skills.

I'll give the meditation a shot as I have also heard it helps a lot

Thanks a lot for your reply and help!

[MsPurple]

Hi IsolatedStudent

I know exactly how you feel. I am similar. I am ok with people and meeting new people but some situations not so much. If I'm having a negative self talk day it becomes more difficult. I find working on the negative self talk helps with my social skills and the being ok with the thought that not everyone wants to be BFF.

I think it would be beneficial to talk to someone like a psychologist or counsellor (I know most unis have counsellors). They help discuss these feelings. At first therapy made me feel weak, like I should be ok on my own. But I found it really helpful just to talk to someone not related to or someone you know.