Loss of hope and guilt

[tal21]

hello, im a female in highschool and I kind of just feel 'done' with everything?

Ive been seeing a psychologist for over a year, and I think that this persona everyone disregards and calls 'clinical depression' is just apart of me and something that always will be.. I get these darn migraines every night and they drive me insane, and my skin.. oh gosh my skin is always itching. Not mosquito type itching.. It causes me to scratch myself and leave scabs, but I can't control it. I've stopped doing all the things I love, I've lost my dreams, aspirations and goals, I've been in association with self mutilation for various reasons and I just want to go. want to leave. want to sleep for a long while.. But I can't and I try so hard not to let myself for my mum and my dad and my sister but it's so hard. it's so so hard. there's nothing for me now, just the guilt of always hurting people which is all I ever seem to do. I feel like my mind is going against my body.. 

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[white knight]

Hi tal21, welcome to beyond blue forums

Can I ask you to consider- things dont stay the same. Time, circumstances change, different people enter your life, some good, grab hold of those and keep them.

When I'm done I know through my survival experience, that soon the good day will come. I used to think it wouldnt, but it always does.

Mental illness has some positives. It might not seem that way. We often can write poetry or paint art or draw drawings or entertain. google "famous people with bipolar disorder" and you'll find the list amazing. You, well you try to find your niche, your talent and run with it. It could be hidden.

Hobbies help divert your troubled mind. I bought a canvas for $4 and paints for $8 from the Reject shop and painted a picture of my house. It isnt perfect but its me, its unique, its great. No matter who says what.

Goals- set small achievable goals not hard ones. baby steps.

Acceptance. You have done well, you've accepted your illness for life long. One big hurdle jumped that most never do. Congrats there. Also accept that you, regardless of the challenges its your pride you are doing this for. Pride that you will succeed no matter what. No matter you cannot achieve what others do. You are not them. You are you. You are unique. You are wonderful. tell yourself this. You only need to convince one person- you.

Loved ones. Always consider them. For to survive for them is a great cause. Struggle to get all the help you need and continue with your treatment.

You are worth it.

Tony WK

[Francesco]

Hi!

 I applaud you for sharing that, I understand that none of that must have come easy.

I understand what you mean when you say you will that depression will always be a part of you and that you cant seem to shake it I am currently like that with my anxiety. I want to remind you of when you have those good days and show you that those days are proof that your depression will not control your life forever. I know it feels like forever but you are already on the path to getting better.

I am very glad that you are currently seeing a Psychologist, how is that going? Have you mentioned your guilty feelings?

You have nothing to be guilty or ashamed about, you are strong fighter!

Francesco.