Hi Mixam,
I’m an adult and not in school, so I’m not sure if I’m necessarily the best person to reply. But I still wanted to reach out as it sounds like you’re really struggling at the moment. It also sounds like you are a high achieving student, so I would think recent events might feel disheartening and discouraging.
You strike me as someone who perhaps has high standards for yourself. But it also sounds like your family has high expectations too...
I realise that being unsure of your purpose can be unsettling and painful. I think, as humans, most of us have a strong need to seek purpose in life....
I know your imaginary friend (sorry, is it okay if I call him that?) is a source of great comfort. But I also get a sense that perhaps you’re still very lonely, especially as you seem to have some unresolved trauma.
I don’t know if you want to/feel comfortable opening up to your parents. But I wonder if that’s something you would consider, depending on your relationship with them.
I get that they have high expectations, so I wonder if maybe that stops you from telling them you’re struggling. Do you think talking to your parents at some point is something you would do?
Otherwise/also you might be interested in seeing a school counsellor about some of your struggles. Maybe they would have some ideas to help you...just a gentle little idea.
Of course you’re also most welcome to chat here any time. Sometimes people find it cathartic to unload some of their troubles here. No pressure to share more than you’re comfortable sharing though.
Kindness and care,
Pepper
