Losing Hope

[hann1805]

So things were looking up over this past week. I have an appointment with a psychologist this week and my boyfriend even got a job trial working for this furniture company earning good money. They worked him for three days and even told him that he had the job only for them to turn around today and say that the guy he was meant to be replacing this week has decided to stay on the job, they said they couldn't afford to keep him working for them and sacked him on the spot.

I don't understand how this keeps happening to us. I don't know how much longer I can keep hanging on. I'm trying to find a job but with no luck at all with getting a call back, Job agencies won't help me even though I'm getting government benefits, my birthday is in a weeks time and I'm now another year older and another year behind what I'm "supposed" to be doing at my age. 

What more can I do 

[Zeal]

Hi Hann,

You two are not alone. Finding work can seem like an endless struggle, as there are so many people competing for jobs. I know people who have finished their uni degree, and have been unemployed for months or even years afterwards. Some may be working at a supermarket or store, but will struggle to find a job relating to their field of study. It depends on the industry and demand.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm 22 and only in my second year of a psychology degree. I had a bad bout of mental illness when I was in my late teens and early twenties, which has put me "behind" in life. I nanny twice a week for two children and volunteer with kids, as I don't really suit retail work that well.

It's a shame your boyfriend lost his job. The company sounds as though they mismanaged the situation. Creating a job profile on Seek is a good idea. You can request email updates about new job offers which correspond to your needs. Also ask friends, family, and even acquaintances if they know of any job opportunities. Networking really helps when it comes to getting a job.

Doing courses or certificates at TAFE could also help with getting certain jobs (sorry if you've already done this!)

Good luck with everything,

SM

[hann1805]

Hi SM

It does seem like an endless struggle, especially since we lost our previous jobs back in December (we worked in the same place) due to company liquidation. I have just finished a Diploma in Management and now looking for work myself, difference being is that I am eligible for benefits and my boyfriend isn't since we live with his parents. 

I am 23 on Monday next week, and my boyfriend is almost 22. I haven't been actively looking for work because I wanted to finish my studies first, but it just seems like my boyfriend just can't catch a break, this is the second time in a month this has happened to him. I'm stressed out to the max because I'm paying all debts on so little from the government. 

I just feel like by now I should be in a stable job and living on my own and not have to rely on my in-laws to provide me with a place to live. I'm having panic attacks every morning and sometimes even later on in the day, I just can't seem to find anything that makes me happy anymore. I'm so sick of struggling and not being able to do anything about it.

[white knight]

Hi Hann,

One of the worst things to happen for us is others expectations of us. What is worse than that is our own expectations. And you have high expectations of your own goals based on "where I should be"....etc

Not everyone can land good luck (eg a job) within a certain time frame. Some people worry to have kids before 30yo due to pressure from parents and they take that pressure and it becomes pressure from themselves.

Life can deal you cards that you will not expect. We compare ourselves with friends and it seems like they have all the luck. I had a friend when I was 20yo (I'm 59) and he seemed to have all going for him. He had a girlfriend, new car and promotion in the RAAF. I was in the RAAF at the time and left. He managed to rise to a high rank. But 20 years later his wife had died and he was discharged due to a rare skin disease and never worked again.

What you need to do is do your best with the luck that has been dealt to you. And remember, when you have both of you supporting each other emotionally and being positive for the long term, you will achieve with individually half the effort.

They say "that's life".  It is and it can be cruel , daunting, sad and tough. Compared to loving, wonderful, amazing and fun I'd take the latter anyday. Hang in there.

Tony WK

[hann1805]

Hi Tony

 I suppose it's pressure from not only my parents but also my boyfriend's parents to get a job and to move out on our own, I just feel like since we were both retrenched back in December, all we're receiving is bad luck, I've been trying to stay positive this whole time but it's just getting too hard. My finances are struggling and I am struggling, I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow afternoon for my anxiety and depression because it's just too much to handle at the moment. I am the only means of finance for the both of us and I feel like all the pressure is on me to help us get through this difficult time. 

I know life is tough and cruel, but surely it's not this bad all the time? 

[white knight]

Hi Hann,

No it isnt "this bad all the time".

Lets be direct- you need to be realistic and logical, not emotional on these topics of jobs, luck and expectations.

You are trying to get work....so can you quicken up that process? No. Because that process is in the hands of the employer. Can you improve your finances? No because that depends on getting work. Can you improve your living standards i.e. move out.... No because that depends on getting work. So you can see it all depends on getting work and it all flows from there.

The only advice I can give you is to have all options open. Moving north for the fruit picking season or the mines or making hobby items in a shed and selling them at markets. All I'm saying here Hann is to think of all options. And

Guilt.  Dont let guilt consume you. You are doing your best. Be proud of that.you are trying. And dont ever ever give up.

In a few years you'll look back on this time and tell your chilren/grandchildren of your struggles when young. Just like our grandparent told us. My grandfather used to tell me of his ploughing paddocks with a team of bullocks. I tell my kids of how I built a home with my bare hands. Many of us go through it. Some are lucky without this ordeal but thats life.

Tony WK