Lonely

[Catcute1240]

I am 18 and moved to Melbourne 1 year ago. Previously I was living in Tasmania but had to move.

In grade 10 while still in tazzy, my long term friends and I started to become distant. It probaly would have been worse if it wasn't for my old friends who I had not spoken to in ages. Here they were welcoming me back into their friendship group.Thanks to them my final year of high school was bearable.

Sadly for college I went to a different college. They really wanted me to attend their college, so did I. However, I was afriad I wasn't smart enough for their private school. So I lied and told them my parents wouldn't let me.

Year 11 was the first time I felt alone/lonley. I had no friends even though my old classmates tried to include me into their friendship group, I was always the odd one out. I didn't want people's pity so I use to pretend I was talking to my friend on the phone during break. We were even allowed to leave the college grounds at recess and lunch. So I would walk down to the library and stay their till break was over, I did this for the whole year. I even lied to my sister that I had friends and would make up stories about my day at school.

Then I moved to Melbourne and did my year 12 here. It was difficult to get used to a new school system and the teachers did not help. At first I had no friends until these girls in my film studies class started to chat with me. They were kind and included me in everything, though I didn't say much. After a few moths though I couldn't handel it. I feard coming to school, I would spend hours on the toilet since I was so nervous. The subjects were difficult and everyone else seemed so smart. My friends were great but I felt awkward around them. It was more like I was using them so I don't appear alone at school. Near the end I just broke down and left. I decided to do VCAL senior instead to complete my year 12.

VCAL senior had its ups and downs but I got through it. I felt much happier and acutely looked forward to school. The girls from my film studies class even kept in contact with me. We even meet up twice. Though I have been avoiding them out of guilt.

What's wrong with me?

Why can't I make friends? My only friend is my sister.

I push away the people who try to be my friend. I try to fake the friendship but know we have nothing in common.

These days I've even turned to online penpals and friendship making apps.

I'm not sure if i'm really looking for a solution. Just needed to get it out their?

[Birdy77]

Hello Catcute,

I just wanted to let you know you've been heard.

Welcome to the forums.

Sometimes it can be helpful to get your feelings out there, even if you're not looking for advice or help.

So I'm glad that you're here.

Friendships at school and college can be hard, you're certainly not the only one who has found it difficult to make good friendships.

I'm glad you're close with your sister, that is really good.

I don't have a lot of battery left on my phone, but wanted to welcome you, and am happy to chat more with you if you like 😊

🌻birdy

[Em7]

Hey Catcute,

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Many people have found themselves in your current position as well as me. We actually have a couple of things in common, when I was in year 11 VCAL I started to realise that all my friends around me were fake, they didn't care about me or anyone.

It wasn't worth the effort. Yeah we still laughed together but it wasn't the same. Have you ever felt so alone whilst being surrounded by so many people? I have...I know what its like to not know how to make friends, to not put myself out there in fear of people not wanting me or liking me and as hard as all that is, its made me grow.

I see this experience as blessing in disguise because if I hadn't gone through this id be stuck in halfway friendships with people who don't love me completely as I am.

My advice to you is to take that risk however scary it may be and put yourself out there, even if its just a smile to a stranger or even a smile in the mirror to yourself, because you are worth so much! all you have to do is recognise it.

Now making friends isn't easy but if we don't try we might never meet that one person to grow and share our lives with. Treasure those small moments that really make you feel something. Thats what I'm doing and I still only have a couple of friends, but they love me and I love them.

I hope this helps and I wish you luck,

Em7

[Terry73]

Hi,

I was much a loner at school myself, and sadly it took me many years to work out how to be more social in life, so I hope I can help you avoid the long hard lessons I learned in trying to sort this thing people call life.

I suggest focus your talents into something, and keep your eyes fixed on what you want to get out of it, this may seem counter-productive in a social view, but its worth more for social than you may understand. When you get what you want out of it, focus on the next thing. The reason why that works is because you are now focusing on what you want, you tend to start working towards it, in a happy way, people then see how happy you are and your talent becomes refined, making them think you are smart, which you really are because you know your stuff. People then want to speak to you, and you then start to build up your social without even really trying.

That is how I suggest anyway, which ever you choose, dont ever give up, keep smiling and searching for ways to make yourself smile, and I hope everything works out for you

Terry

[Catcute1240]

Thank you for the first welcoming messag I truly appreciate your support😊.